Afternoon After Blog: The Offense Awakens

THIS GUY FUCKS!

Honest question: should Magoo be concerned? Is his throne as GOAT Oilers fan in jeopardy now that bandana guy has risen to Rog Mahal glory? I hate to say it, but i think the answer is yes. Yes. Yes, Magoo should be worried that Old Man McBandana exists. And Hunter too. Fuck that lynx. This guy should be on every single piece of motivational propaganda that this team makes, from here on out. He looks EXACTLY like Blue from Old School:

Oh, and we kicked the absolute shit out of Vegas. No goddamn mercy. Fourth goalie fifth goalie who gives a shit. Blowout city. Population THEM. I mean, I extremely look forward to playing these bums for the next decade and a half while they struggle to keep a competitive roster on the ice and Daddy McDavidson is out there in the prime of his career just obliterating teams for fun. Goddamn yes. Suck it, Gallant.

1st Period

Disclaimer: So normally I stream the games on my laptop. That way when the fellas score, or something crazy happens, I can record it and turn the video into a gif while the game is on. Works extremely well when I’m watching the game from my couch. Doesn’t work that well when I’m at the game and the boys score eight fucking goals for the first time all year. Turns out I had a portfolio due for a class today. On fall break. ON FALL BREAK, MACEWAN?! What is this shit? I mean, Christ. And asking me not to get in one after dropping an ocho on a divisional rival is akin asking Slash to ditch the guitar and pick up a clarinet. Not a fucking chance. Long story short, my time management is terrible, this blog is late because MacEwan is run by elitists, Vegas STINKS, I like to party, and the offense is officially back BABY. Also there will only be like one or two gifs haha whoops. I’m sorry I’m not sorry. Take it up with HR.

OH WE STRUCK FIRST AND LOTS MORE but here’s goal numbero uno:

That’s Oscar Klefbom!! PATIENCE IS A GODDAMN VIRTUE. He’s struggled, as have many of the players on this team, but we know what he can do. And last night was by far his best game of the year. Two solid games in a row by Oscar. LIVE LOOK AT THE MONKEY THAT WAS ON HIS BACK:

YAAAA eat ass, monkey. Stay away from our boys.

Nuge and the Big Rig added one more, each, and the boys took it to the Sin City in literally all facets of the game. Here’s what their Twitter account had to say:

OH IT’S POSSIBLE.

(Kelly Kapowski UGH HOT DAMN thank you for reminding me of Saved by the Bell, Vegas).

And the (first period) dagger:

3-0 FOR THE BOYS!

2nd Period

OH REALLY HOW’S FOUR SOUND?! (Our DJ does stink, I’ll absolutely give Vegas that. Great call, Vegas Twitter).

Matty Vegas, from St. Vegas, beat Las Vegas goalie Maxime “god help me now” Lagace to make it 4-0. McPoint on the play.

Bellemare added one for Vegas to keep it mildly entertaining for the visiting team.

4-1 Oil

Hahaha good one, Vegas, good one! (Honestly that’s a good plan and I really hope they don’t follow through with that threat. We might lose Drake Caggiula forever. He’ll literally drown in a Bellagio pool-sized amount of rum and cokes, and I guarantee you some Vegas local will punch Draisaitl in the face).

3rd Period

Reminder, people: Don’t poke the McBear. Don’t tempt him in any way. Don’t give him any extra motivation. Vegas is new, and cocky, and they didn’t know this yet:

They now know:

Connor was credited for the goal but in reality it was the human boat anchor Deryk Engelland who knocked the puck not once, but twice, and put it in the back of his own net.

Neal made it 5-2 but shortly after that, Daddy scored again on a wrist shot howitzer that burned flesh off of Lagace’s shoulder. McJesus has 22 points now but Rishaug STILL WANTS MORE *derp* *sniffs butt*.

Nuge scored his second of the game as well not too long after that and made it 7-2.

Then Lagace, Vegas’ fourth goalie who apparently also was battling an injury, was forced out of the game to make room for THIS GUY:

Part of me felt a little bad for a 19-year-old emergency call up 7th round pick to get fed literally into the mouth of the starving wolves in a massive blowout of epic proportions. Guys, I felt empathy. It’s a fucking miracle. Ask Pizza Trav. I did. I didn’t want to light him.

That lasted roughly two minutes.

I then realized that dude is living the dream and will tell stories about this for the rest of his life and he’s out there loving every minute of it regardless of the outcome, and the sadistic sack of shit that’s embedded into my being came back out after a brief hiatus. I realized this was maybe an even better opportunity to score 10 than if Vegas played the final 10-ish minutes of the period without a goalie in net. At least then they’d be able to have six skaters on the ice at a time.

We got one, but it was disallowed because of goalie interference (two straight games now, Kesler’s hand is STILL on Talbot’s leg). I think that was a mercy call from the refs, which was nice, considering Todd showed literally zero mercy and kept rolling the McDiddler line even in a 7-2 shit-kicking, with a 5th string 19-year-old below average WHL goalie in net. Savagery in it’s purest form.

Anyways that ended up being Dylan’s only save of the night. The next shot was a sexy-textbook-power-play-passing play that ended with a Marky Mark bullet in the back of the net. At least Dylan will be able to tell the boys and gurls back in Kamloops that McDavid never scored on him. Vegas’ Twitter should brag about that.

Final score: EIGHT-2.

Thoughts

In all honesty good for Dylan Ferguson. He legit lived the dream last night, and may get a chance to do it in his home province against his favourite team on Thursday if Lagace can’t go. This goaltending situation is a debacle of a mess in LV right now but a bunch of good kids are fulfilling their dream so I can’t hurt for them, that’s awesome shit.

BLUE YOU’RE MY BOY!!

We also traded for Mike Cammalleri yesterday. Going to LA is Jussi Jokinen, whose short stint with the Oil will be completely forgotten by 2019-20. He literally didn’t do one memorable thing. I would have blogged this yesterday but I found out legit as I was on my way to the game. One man staff problems. Missing Hank like you wouldn’t believe but Alberta needs tools and that requires your boy Hank the Tank being on the road a whole bunch. ‘Berta needs him.

Calgary scored 7 goals on Monday, and I guaranteed a Flames fan that we would match their total last night. We didn’t. We exceeded it. We scored eight. That’s how it’s done. Blues on Thursday, let’s go.

Multi-point Syndrome:

That’s scoring balance, and it’s encouraging to see.

My man Jesse never had a point but my god his forechecking is unparalleled. That one where his stick broke and he still went nuts to the wall nearly made me spill my $46 beer. I was howling. God do I love him.

Hottest Tweet of the Night

100 points. Reigning MVP. Yup. Consider him ruined. Grant is from Saskatchewan so that should answer any questions you may have.

This dude actually sneaky has it out for the Oil and McDavid, which makes sense, because there’s literally nothing else to do in Saskatchewan.

Big Riders game coming up next week though, Grant!

Gator’s Grinder of the Game

Daryl Nurse was all over the place and mixed it up a few times with that mouth-breathing imbecile, David Perron.

Most Outstanding Player

I mean Daddy had three McPoints and two goals so, yeah. We’re BACK baby!

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