Game Day Blog 21/82: Shit, Oilers @ Blues


It’s -500℃ and the Oilers are three points out of last. Feels like home again.

Tonight’s Opponent: St. Louis Blues.

On a scale of 1 to Mark Spector’s journalism, how terrible has this schedule been? It’s like hey, you guys play New Jersey this week and then OH WAIT NEW JERSEY AGAIN FOUR DAYS LATER and Detroit too and then you get St. Louis and hope you enjoyed that because YOU’RE PLAYING THEM AGAIN LIKE BAZICALLY TOMORROW LOLZ. Fuck outta here. There’s literally only so much I can write about the Blues and St. Louis before even I run out of shit to say. It’s November 21 and we haven’t played the Ducks, the Sharks, the Coyotes, and the Kings – all division rivals. I hate those guys. I could write about them for days. I hate those bums. St. Louis? Christ, kill me. They have a kind of good and yet painfully boring team, one that is stuck in one of the most racist cities in America and whose biggest attraction is half a McDonald’s logo. I’ve been to St. Louis. It’s an urban hellscape.

What do they have? home to arguably the most racist fan base in the history of hockey, and that includes Boston and Montreal.

LMFAO RACISM AMIRIGHT?! You shit bag. You deserve the early playoff exit this team will undoubtedly hand you in April.

Since humiliating us on Thursday, St. Louis strolled into Vancouver and took care of business at the Rog Jr. They’re 15-5-1 and only give up 2.6 goals per game. In contrast, they’re clipping at a rate of 3.3 goals per game. Two of their players are on pace to eclipse 100 points and not one of them is named Vladimir Tarasenko. Jay Bouwmeester is playing his first game of the year. Jake Allen gets the call in goal and you’ll recall he saved 29 of 30 against us five days ago.

What do we have?

To say it’s upsetting to have a roster that features a 20-year-old Connor McDavid and have a record of 7-11-2 to show for it would be a mild understatement. Did you know we’re five points out of third last in the division? We’re closer to Arizona than we are Vancouver. And it could possibly get even worse:

This was the inevitable outcome of our longstanding series of ill-sighted decisions. Petey’s out and about scouting more potential one-for-one trades that will see us sell an asset for nickels (well, “nickel”… because one for one) on the dollar. One can’t help but fear that the Pistol will trade RNH as some sort of personal vendetta against Todd McClellan’s refusal to make Leon a centre. And there’s not a chance in hell we’ll acquire anything even remotely close to Nuge’s value in this fictional trade. We’ll lose the player who’s second on our team in goals and points simply because our coach and our GM are on some communicational disconnect at or near the equivalent of Brad Pitt and Philip Seymour Hoffman in Moneyball:

Peter: “You’re starting Drai at center, not Nuge.”

Todd: “Nuge is our second line center, he’s playing center for us tonight.”

Peter: “No, he’s the Blue Jackets’ first line center now, I traded him to Columbus.”

*Todd stares in disbelief*

Peter: “I traded Klefbom too.” *leaves room*

Scott Howson: *looks at Todd* “Do you want the door closed?”

It worked out in Moneyball. I know for a fact it will do the complete opposite in Cap Relief and Team Needs Puck. For the record, I totally agree that Leon should be playing the middle. It’s probably the one area I actually do agree with Chiarelli on. We paid him to be a center. It’s time he became one. Nuge will do fine on any wing he plays because that’s the type of hockey player he is. Try telling me that he wouldn’t do what Drake Caggiula did AND PROBABLY MORE on McDavid’s wing, I dare you. Because you and I and everybody except apparently Todd know that’s true.

Anyways none of that is happening because the lines are the same as Saturday. The team did place Ziyat Paigin on unconditional waivers this morning, meaning he’s on his way back to the K after registering no points in seven games down in Bakersvegas. There was some hype around this kid after he dropped 27 points in 37 games over in Russia back in 2015-16. He hasn’t done anything since. Disappointing, but honestly whatever. Say hi to Bogdan for us.

Also, after last night, the 2017 Lady Byng winner Johnny Gaudreau is third in league scoring. So, the Ziggy Paigin departure is the second worst news I can tell you today. I’m sorry. I can only hope that turnover machine Connor McDavid doesn’t cost us a victory again tonight. He needs to get six points and block 20 shots and get the province out of debt or else Spec will find a way to blame the last 10 years on him.

For what it’s worth:

Spector gonna Spector. Guy certainly picks his battles wisely:

Maroon brings it in his home town though. Little Rig in attendance let’s go.

Did you know? PARRY YOU GOOD KID:

So. Many. Feels.

Prediction: Iceman needs to be better, second and third lines need to provide scoring, fourth line needs to do literally anything at all, etc. This problem is way bigger than one player, Mark. That said, the first time McDaddy turns the puck over today (IF it happens) – regardless of where it happens or its ultimate outcome – Mark Spector will make sure all his followers know about it. Also, the first and second and third and fourth point that he gets tonight will not matter if they end up losing 5-4 and he’s (GASP) on the ice for a goal against in the like 26 and a half minutes he plays per game. God forbid that ever happens. Talbot could let in a goal from the top of that stupid Gateway Arch and Spec will still pin it on McDavid so long as he’s on the ice for it. PLUS MINUS BABY great stat *derp*.

Fuck us.

3-2 Oilers. We got this. Patty with a pair.