Game Day Blog 23: Monsoon Season in Buffalo, Oilers @ Sabres
I’ll never not laugh at that picture. Connor just casually strolling into Buffalo for the first time since they settled for the second best date to the prom and he instantly reminds them what they could have had. “I thought Hurricane season was over!” Buffalo all said, the minute McDavid – in overtime – picked up the puck off the Eichel miss and proceeded to cruise down the ice for the game winning goal while simultaneously causing flash floods in virtually every section of their arena. Jack’s own barn FFS!! Poor, poor Jack.
Tonight’s Opponent: Poor, poor Jack:
That’s possibly the saddest clip I’ve ever used. He looks miserable. Oh, what could have been if only his parents made secks like a year earlier or later. Just an all time unfortunate birth year with that level of talent.
What do they have? We’ll recall that in 1 B.C., Buffalo threw all of their wild wings into one basket: the basket that had Connor McDavid in it. We’ll also recall, during the same year, the Edmonton Oilers actually tried to make the playoffs. Fast forward to April 18th and obviously both teams missed the playoffs and the room was dimly lit and… you know what? I’ll just embed the live footage. It’s been a hot minute since we’ve all watched this and the season’s been a virtual nightmare since like game two so we deserve to watch something fun:
I remember literally everything about that day except maybe the one or two minutes immediately after Sir William Daly said, “And we have a winner.” Honestly I blacked out faster that finishing a 40 of Belvedere in under 60 seconds. The NHL even adjusted the draft odds that year because we were winning it so much and we still won the whole fucking thing. I’m convinced that we can miss the playoffs by one point this year and still draft Rasmus Dahlin first overall in June. It’s what we do. Draft lotteries and mega 50/50s baby, welcome to fucking Edmonton. And so the story goes: the Buffalo Sabres missed out on the player they legit threw away a season for and landed this guy:
That actually was recorded on February 26, 2015, months before the lottery actually took place. Since Buffalo was the worst team by a mile, that means Jack was banking on himself going first overall. Poor young, naïve Jack. The worst is he stuck by this argument for a while. The first year was sort of a wash because Daddy severed his clavicle and finished with seven less points than Jack (in 36 less games) but in his first ever game on Jack’s turf Connor did conceive roughly 4,500 children after burying the OT winner right in Jack’s face. The next year was just unfair. It started off just insanely miserable for Jack, on a PRACTICE play that broke both Jack’s ankle and basically every heart of a Buffalo fan in the world. The city of Buffalo hasn’t collectively sulked because of a foot that much since Scott Norwood. If that wasn’t bad enough for the curly headed wonder, the season in which his all time rival – the Tiger to his Phil, the Bama to his Auburn, the Derek to his Hansel, the Burgandy to his Mantooth, the pull-up machine to his Sam Bennett – put together an MVP torch of the NHL and then ultimately ended with Leon Draisaitl getting two points in the final game to knock Jack out of contention for a $2 million bonus. I swear to God, Jack is the guy from those old Rogers commercials who could never get any service and had no luck whatsoever, and Connor is the fresh looking mf who always had service and straight up cuckolds the less fortunate fella literally every time:
OJ Simpson has more court wins than the Sabres have Stanley Cups.
What do we have? We actually have a good shot at this one. Buffalo is one of just two teams in the league who suck worse than we do. Here’s what we’re rolling:
— Bob Stauffer (@Bob_Stauffer) November 24, 2017
I’d still go:
93 – 97 – 98
19 – 29 – 91
27 – 18 – 16
13 – 55 – 44
At least until Tony Time returns but hey, why tamper with a lineup that just buried six? Jesse has one of the best shots I’ve watched in a very long time and he’s still getting third lien minutes because apparently reasons. It’s asinine. Why develop the player you picked fourth overall when you can use the unsigned free agent you brought in out of college instead AMIRIGHT FAM?!
Anyways. What’re the odds we see the Pool Party on the power play tonight? -1,000%?
LB gets the call in the cage, because Buffalo.
Rasmus Ristolainen returns to the Buffalo lineup tonight so Petey Chiarelli can, in person, watch as the guy he will undoubtably overpay for does absolutely nothing productive at even strength.
Did you know? Buffalo is also not immune to hacks from the media taking shots at star players?
I honestly thought that blabbering media idiots in a hellscape market only applied to us but I completely forgot about Buffalo – a city so immune to success that even Cleveland has won another title before they’ve celebrated their first.
Prediction: Poor, poor Jack. Oilers win 7-3. It’s going to be a nightmare for Sabres fans, and I’ll be on my couch laughing my nuts off at every one of those goals. McDavid gets four because he’s a savage and Buffalo needs to taste his wrath again tonight. Happy weekend, Blue!!