Game Day Blog 25/82: It’s 50/50 Carryover Night at the Rog Mahal, Coyotes @ Oilers

The real winner of tonight won’t be the Edmonton Oilers or the Arizona Coyotes, it will be Santa’s Anonymous for landing a 50/50 raffle goldmine and the one person, hopefully me, who holds the winning 50/50 ticket. On the ice, meh. Off the ice, oh baby. It’ll be Electric Avenue inside the Rog Mahal concourses. I’m legitimately bringing $200 to spend and none of that will be on cold ones or pizza. All or nothing baby.

Also, it’s a big four point night and only the fourth time this season that the Oil are playing a Pac Division rival. Luckily, it’s not LA. It’s THESE guys!

Tonight’s Opponent: Arizona Coyotes

Their Record: 6-17-3, 15 points.

Our Record: 9-13-2, 20 points.

Arizona has actually gone 6-7-2 since tying the NHL record for worst start ever. In that same stretch, we’ve gone 6-7-1. The Coyotes have one more point than us since October 30. Let that sink in.

What do they have? These bums. Nothing was worse than losing to a team whose very existence is a complete and utter mistake roughly 3,700 times in a row. It was almost one year ago to the day, back on November 25 and 27 of 2016, that we lost back to back games to the Coyotes during the start of what was our best season in almost ever. Then Zack Kassian bulldozed Oliver Ekman-Larsson and one-punched Anthony Duclair to Pluto, and since then we’re undefeated against Zona.

Back to this year, they recalled Ryan Strome’s brother just two days ago:

That is SO many points, I don’t care what league that’s in. When Dylan was sent down at the start of the year, people were ready to write the 20-year-old off as a bust for some reason. All he did was go down to Tuscan and obliterate the AHL until the lifeless Coyotes had virtually no choice but to recall Ryan’s younger brother. In two games this year, he has no points. But he;s playing against his older brother and his best friend (Daddy) tonight, and since we are the legendary NHL league-wide slump busters, now seems like as good of time as ever for the kid to bring that torch to the highest level*. Oh shit.

Fuck John Chayka with the hammer of Thor.

* Honestly, Buffalo losing seven in a row and scoring like one or less goals in some shit like 12 straight and then scoring three against the Oil made me puke in my mouth. Of course they did.

What do we have? You’re shitting me:

I knew they’d do this to me. So 25 fucking games into the year and Todd finally figures out that maybe making Leon Draisaitl a centre would be a good thing. So he illogically healthy scratches Jesse during the first time he tried this out and WOAH, the team won! The team winning had literally nothing to with his favourite – 2017’s equivalent of Lennart Petrell, Iiro Pakarinen – being in the lineup, but instead had everything to do with him finally doing something that every rationally intelligent adult had been begging him to do since October 4. And now this is Jesse’s dying song. Let’s keep healthy scratching the 19-year-old right handed bazooka shooting prospect we drafted fourth overall so Iiro Pakarenin can hinder our penalty kill. This is great. It’s the best.

Todd obsesses with rolling the same unit as a previous win. This has been his bread and butter since arriving here after yet another miserably underachieving year at the helm of the Sharks. His “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” mentality has lead us to ONE two game winning streak this year. It’s like hey, we finally won a game! It must have been because I played an 1,100 year old fossilized dinosaur and a literal fucking cargo ship on the first line, and a Finn who’s more useless than an ash tray on a motor bike. Let’s obviously do that again! And it’s going to work. I know it is tonight. It’s going to work because we’re playing the very, very bad Arizona Coyotes at home. Connor will once again carry this team to another victory while playing with two boat anchors, and Todd will roll this same lineup into Thursday so that the Leafs can carve circles around us at the Rog in front of 11,000 of their own fans. And then he’ll spew that same disgusting rhetoric about how everyone needs to be accountable and rumours will fly about Peter looking to move Klefbom and a 1st for a right winger even though this entire time my boy has been rotting in the press box probably doing an absolute number on concession pizza. Free the man. Unleash the cannon.

Anyways I am really excited about the 50/50 tonight and I do think that we will smoke Arizona into next year so this is fine.

Did you know? The ‘Yotes are out there fighting the good fight:

I absolutely love this rule. They don’t fuck with the wave at all. The wave sucks. The wave is useless. The wave is for Winnipeg, who still thinks the wave matters because they disappeared for like 25 years and still do all the shit people thought were cool in the 90s. Imagine if we brought back all the things that we treated as acceptable in the 90s, like frosted tips, or physical maps, or puka shells, or Dawson’s Creek, or these fucking things?:

Moral of the story: be like Arizona. Don’t do the wave.

Prediction: Suffice to say I’m going for the 50/50 win and going for a nuclear annihilation of Arizona. I’m not messing around here. They are all the STINK. This team will need to string at least four or five in a row for me to have any remote confidence in our ability to crawl back into the hunt. That started on Sunday. Now, for fucking once, let’s carry the momentum we gained from our last win into the next game. We’ve only won two straight ONCE this year. That changes tonight. 5-1 Oilers. Connor with four so look the hell out Stamkos, Daddy’s woke.

PS – If I see Blue tonight, I’m getting fifty pictures. I’m also going to figure out exactly where my dude sits and buy tickets to the next not Toronto game right beside him. Blue you’re my boy!