Micro Game Day Blog 20/82: BAH GAWD It’s Another Matinee, Oilers @ Stars

The good news is, we’ve already whipped Dallas once this year. The bad news, I guess, would be the sky is plummeting down in Northern Berta right now. General Disappointment’s boys hit the ice in about 30 minutes because Gary thought it’d be hilarious to make the Oil play no less than 30 afternoon games in November. I hate this. I’m craving HNIC like Petey is craving selling an asset for 50 cents on the dollar.

Tonight’s Opponent: Dallas Stars

Big hockey town.

What do they have: This blog needed to be published about one hour ago so I’ll make this quick. The Stars are in last in the Central (9-9-1) and are on the heels of getting their shit smoked by Ben Bishop’s former and now much better team since his absence, the Tampa Bay Lightning. Not a coincidence. Ben Bishop sucks. This:

Seguin is a free agent after next year, so there goes arguably the best contract in the NHL. Given that he should make upwards of $9-ish million, and given that you already know what he thinks of the State of Texas, I’d say it’s safe to assume he and Jamie Benn are looking at a Westbrook/Durant caliber break up. Tyler will sign in Vegas (literally the most obvious thing ever) and Jamie will never text him back. I look forward to this.

One time, a four man crew that included myself and Pizza Trav got Tyler Seguin incoherently in one at Oil City (kids, that’s what Knoxville’s used to be) back when we were all like 18 year old pups. It was his Edmonton tour that Katz flew him up for,a and literally nobody in the bar seemed to notice or care about him. Anyways, short story even shorter, he couldn’t even shoot a Burt Reynolds…. Burt Reynolds!!!! That’s the shot I order to chase my other shots. What an idiot. What a fucking idiot.

Kari Lehtonen starts in goal for Dallas. He’s maybe the worst goalie not named Eddie Lack in the entire league. Former 2nd overall pick by the Thrashers. No wonder Atlanta is now Winnipeg.

 

What do we have? No morning skate because it’s still the morning. Thanks for absolutely nothing, Gary.

HOWEVER, we have some big news to report:

They’ve. Been. Separated. FINALLY. Thank Christ. Drake Caggiula, regular guest bartender at the Pint and producer of two points in 10 games, gets the bump up to line one. Jesse’s rewarded with stellar play by being stuffed on a line with Ryan Strome and a guy who played for LA like five days ago. Khaira’s back and hopefully this means we never see Pak again.

Iceman cometh.

Did you know? I woke up like 25 minutes ago? Crushed this in like 15 mins I swear. Blog life baby.

Prediction: General elation as the Oilers pull off a 5-2 win in D-town, Hank’s wife’s favourite place. The captain gets a pair and none of them will be assisted by Drake Caggiula because they’ll all be on the power play. Jesse scores. Cammalleri also tucks his first as an Oiler.

Rally time!

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