Morning After Blog: 3-7-1

Live look at our start to the year:

The trick is to undercook the onions. Everybody is going to get to know each other in the pot. I’m serious about this stuff. I’m up the night before pressing garlic and dicing whole tomatoes. I toast my own Ancho chilies. It’s a recipe passed down from Malone’s for generations. It’s probably the thing I do best.

We lost, again.

1st Period

Our league-wide 29th ranked power play went to work. It didn’t score.


2nd Period

Our league-wide 2nd last penalty kill went to work. They scored.

Lucky for the 2015 Draft, we have Connor McDavid:

Ah, the old “if Jay Woodcroft can’t figure out his shit, I might as well take control” tactic. Did it work? Of course it did, everything Connor touches becomes generational:

Yes, the Coaching McJesus probably payed a role in drawing up a play that allowed us to score with eight seconds left on a four minute power play. Look at little buddy Nuge driving the net there like a good Canadian kid. Nuge is now tied for the team lead in goals. I’m very excited to see which team gets him for peanuts after Chia inevitably deals him for cap room or needz. This is fun. It’s like musical chairs for scoring depth.

McPoint on the play, obviously. Then naturally he pulled this sickly twisted shit:

Annnnnnnnnnnnd Olli Maatta is dead. Done. Retired. Kris Letang blew up at the ref after I believe the clearing attempt pegged him or something, but he was puck watching McDavid (don’t blame him) and just left Leon completely alone. Good one, Kris (I”m very much acquainted with this phrase).

OF goddamn COURSE:

Literally 15 seconds before the boys had a partial 2-on-1 and then BOOM tie game. Turns out Sidney Crosby is still very good at hockey. This was right before the end of the period. Goddamn butts.


3rd Period

3-2 Pens.


What a shit heap.

The Penguins are undefeated when playing the Oilers literally one game after getting crushed 7-1 (2-0).

That’s a fuck of a stat, for real.

Remember when we traded a 1st round pick and a second round pick for Griffin Reinhart haha oh man that wasn’t very good.

Anyways Matt Barzal – the now infamous player New York drafted with that ‘not tomorrow’ pick, has seven points in 12 games. Even if the Oilers didn’t draft Barzal, like some are quick to point out, word was they loved Joel Eriksson-Ek – a solid prospect for Minnesota who had seven points in 15 games with the Wild as a 19-year-old last year. Griffin Reinhart, that ‘today’ player, was just waived by an expansion team. He went unclaimed. This might be a hot take, but I don’t think he ended up like Brent Seabrook.

Griff’s actually played two games since being demoted to the AHL’s Chicago Wolves. Still looking for this first point.

Kassian’s breakaway was tragically hilarious:

Yama’s played eight games. We all know what happens after nine. He has no goals and three assists in eight games. He’s not the problem, but let’s not drag him through this. Put him in Spokane where he will knock the daylights out of Western Leaguers and bring him back next year. There’s no use wasting one year of an ELC on this.

We’re winless against the East. We have six straight games against that conference coming up.

The Oil are in 30th for the seventh time in eight years, the Colts are the professional sports manifestation of human shit, and it’s only October but the Raptors have already been knocked out in the 2nd round against Cleveland, now excuse me while I sulk in the corner over the emotional shit mess that is my sports fandom.

Oh, and Taylor Hall’s in town Friday night, which means a few things: (1) the Ranch should be lit, (2) we’ll get to see real life speed and scoring depth at the winger position, and (3) his 15 points in 11 games might have something to say to us.


We’re still making the playoffs.

Hottest Tweet of the Night

Yes. Piss on Nuge and his team-lead-tying five goals, for sure. I’ll grab the bleach.


I don’t know, maybe Kass for absolutely tasting the boards? Sure, that sounds alright.