Morning After Blog: Undefeated Since I Chewed Out The Boys

Listen, I’m not going to sit here and take credit for that W. Nor am I going to sit here and tell you guys that the season’s now saved because we walked into Little Caesars Palace and decimated the Detroit Red Wings, because there have been seven times this season where we’ve followed up a win with a loss. I will, however, enjoy the fuck out of this. After that eye-gougingly shit awful performance on Tuesday it was pure ecstasy watching the boys pump the Wings all the way back to the Joe. God did we need it. Nobody wanted to go into Thanksgiving losers of four straight. And now we get Jack on Friday? Yes PLEASE!

Oh and no big deal or anything but it’s kind of a big deal so ya Jesse scored:

1st Period

Detroit opened the scoring on the power play but we’re one day away from Positive Friday so I’m not even going to publish any of their gifs. Like it matters anyways. You lost, idiots. Take this medicine, courtesy of the Nurse:

Christ I’ve been watching too much Gene but you know what? What-absolute-ever. That Nursebomb assisted by McDavid was just what the doc ordered for a team that really lacked any confidence. And bodies in front!

Then it was the Big Rig’s turn:

That’s only his second goal of the month (!!!). Helluva pass from Leon.

Detroit scored their last goal of the game right before the period ended. Who cares.


2nd Period

I like this angle for a few reasons. (1) you can see the Oil bench get fired up after the goal, which is awesome, and (2) it shows the many – and my god there were MANY – empty seats inside the Little Caesars Taxguzzling Arena:

Yep. Detroit will never be able to afford schools or hospitals or new roads again because the Red Wings needed a new building for nobody to come sit at. Anyways that’s Khaira in the slot firing home a Strome feed. The assists went to Auvitu and Strome, but I want to zoom in and slow this one down for a second:

You guys… this is a conspiracy. You see, I feel like Jesse touched the puck before it reached Khaira’s stick, which means the primary assist should go to Jesse on the play, with Strome picking up the extra helper. Unfortunately, everybody who works for the league’s statistics department disagreed with me. No assist for Jesse. I’ll add this as a half point to his other half point on the year. Also Scott Wilson may have died on the play.

Mr. 500 was next:

Cammalleri’s first point as an Oiler and hey, look! If you shoot the puck on net and drive it, good things usually happen. That was it for Howard, it was nice to be on the other end of a goalie change for once.

And before the end of the period, Daddy needed to make a secksie little no look pass:

Make that two points for McDavid, and give him 28 points on the year. You hear them footsteps, Stamkos and Kucherov and 2017 Lady Byng winner and Schwartz and Schenn? He’s coming…

5-2 Oilers

3rd Period


LORD HAVE MERCY!! Live look at what Jesse did to that puck:

I may or may not but definitely do know of a power play that could use a heat-seeking missile of a right handed shot.

It’s ours. Our power play could use that shot.

Jesse fucks and the Oilers WIN!!

6-2 (!!!) final!!


I almost forgot what winning feels like. It feels very good.

Nuge was the only Oilers forward who didn’t pick up a point. ELEVEN forwards had at least one point. Depth??? PARDON?!

Actually, only four skaters did not have a point last night (Nuge, Klefbom, Larsson, Benning). Get on your midnight train and take it, Detroit.

For my football fans:

  • MIN -2.5
  • LAC -1.5 (free money)
  • NYG +7

Let’s watch Jesse’s shot again, this time with the missile cam:

ADI-FUCKING-OS PUCK! Since the league moved the water bottles to behind the net we’ve really missed out on some quality water bottle explosions off the top of the net. This was essentially the equivalent of that. It’s still shaking. It will still be shaking tomorrow. I was so happy. I felt like how John Candy must have felt when the Jamaican bobsled team finished the qualifying race with a 5-9 in Cool Runnings:

Just so, so proud at how much we’ve accomplished in such a short amount of time. I mean, Christ. Look at this gigantic goofball:

He is a young child in a fully grown adult’s body. That smile is permanently embedded on his face forever. He has a face for everything. Here he is, from the exact same game, doing thoughts and stuff:

There was a play with a delayed offside and Strome to clear, the delay was for at least three seconds before Strome realized he needed to clear, but ohhhh not before Jesse willingly decided to join in him the zone despite the ref hollering “offside!” the entire time. I burst out laughing. I need to know what goes on inside his head at all times. Also who could forget the last time Jesse was in Detroit:

I wish Detroit played in our division. There’s just something about that town and it’s polluted waters and abandoned car manufacturing facilities that brings out the greatest Jesse moments imaginable. Whether it’s him destroying a clapper from Neptune, or him destroying a pizza like a barbaric neanderthal, Jesse’s always up to shenanigans when he enters Motown.

Hottest Tweet of the Night

WOWOWOW it’s like the old days again except these people are completely oblivious to the fact that Connor McDavid still actually does play for us. Maybe they’d know that if NBC would actually schedule a Connor game or two per year on American national television. Just a thought. Example, we play Buffalolol and Jack on Friday. Want to know what NBC’s game of the night is?

PITTSBURGH @ BASSSTONNNNNN at 1 p.m. because God forbid they have two games on a holiday Friday, and God forbid as well they not show Sidney Crosby when he’s playing in the most obnoxious sports market in the USA. Why should they market two of the brightest young stars, one of which is one of them Americans, in a double header that follows one of the games most iconic players? That’d be pretty dumb.


Probably that puck for facing the wrath of Jesse but I’ll give it to Kassian, he was getting in everyone’s kitchen it seemed.


I could give this one to the whole team and I honestly would but that’s dumb, so I’ll give it to Connor because he did play great and he was tied with Strome and Auvitu (!!!) for the night’s lead with two points, and I mean giving it to Connor is never really wrong anyways.