Game Day Blog 39/82: Last Blog of 2017, Jets @ Oilers

Well this is it, guys. It’s time to put another year behind us and look forward to what’s ahead. 2017 was an up and down year for the fellas. It started off scorching hot, Connor murdered the NHL, we made our first playoff appearance in a decade, we won our first playoff series in also a decade, Ryan Kesler stuck his hand on Cam Talbot’s pad,  we traded Jordan Eberle, we made no effort at all to improve our blue line, we struggled out of the gate, and now we’ve played slightly-above .500 hockey for the better part of two months. It’s a process, just ask the 76ers. No clue what 2018 will do for the club but here’s to hoping it includes a wicked run to the playoffs.

Side note, the odds of me being functional tomorrow morning and constructing a recap blog are very slim, I’ll admit. Going to be some hangovers t-minus under 24 hours and I’ll tell ya that for free. However, should I wake up and bang out a quality and or not quality recap blog with all the gifs and everything like that, it will be the start of more to come over here at HQ. I’m still probably going to be a single blogger (both literally and also literally in terms of being the only employee at this site) but bender season is officially over after tomorrow, therefore I’ll have way more time to get some work done over here at ENS. More opinion and analysis blogs, more coverage of the team, more laughs at all the other teams. It’s going to be great and I cannot wait. Once again, I’d like to thank everyone here for continuing to read my shit, and for being the greatest blog fans in the city. We’re trending upwards, people. It’s time to take this little site and blow it up another level, and I’m psyched to do that with each and every single one of you. Let’s fucking go.

Tonight’s Opponent: Winnipeg Jets, specifically, Patrik Laine’s absurd beard:

Are you kidding me with that thing? Since when did Patrik Laine become Amish? His beard is just a ridiculously greasy and long chin strap. How have his teammates not told him to get rid of whatever in the world that is? How has Jesse not texted his boy and been like, “Patrik, ya shoot and score and shoot and good things happen except what the fuck is growing on your face?” I am beyond bothered by it. Stop Laine’s beard, 2018.

Last time we played the Jets: Remember when the refs called fourteen billion penalties against the boys and Winnipeg received one call for playing hockey with seven skaters? A call the refs literally had to make? Their subjective calls went right out the window, including this one, which almost blew up Leon’s knee:

Jujhar Khaira, who was not the player that nearly decapitated a knee cap, was issued a minor penalty on the play for cross checking after he gracefully shoved Dmitry Kulikov — the knee assassin — for what was one of the dirtiest plays never penalized. Sports.

What do they have? Other than incredible luck with officiating, they are a pretty deep team with good players who can score and shoot and all kinds of bullshit that you already know because I discussed this literally four days ago.

Fact is, I really hate Winnipeg. I wasn’t alive in the 80s but I knew about this rivalry long before I blessed the Earth with my presence. I hate them. I hate both of the Jets franchises, to be honest. I watch maybe three CFL games per year and I hate the Bombers because of the Jets. I hate their stupid little town by their stupid little lake in their stupid little glorified AHL arena with their fans and how TSN DROOLS over their existence like they’re some sort of sacrilegious fucking cult that people are supposed to like because they’re new. News flash, Earth: they’re not new anymore. They’re not even the newest team in the league. Are we still going to praise the damn ground that the Jets walk on because of how gosh darn blue collar that city is with their dumb fans who still do 1990s in-arena activities and chants because their team abandoned town for almost two decades and they don’t have any idea what to do anymore? You are one, gigantic, frozen, mosquito-infested cesspit and you can’t figure out what CFL division you belong in because you’re right in the middle of Canada. I hate your fake rivalry with Minnesota. I hate your “True North” chant during the anthem. I hate you.

What do we have? Connor McDavid and Jesse Puljujarvi are making sweet and sexy magic together. Watch tonight as they light up Minnesota for two periods before Todd inevitably puts Drake Caggiula on the first line instead for the third.

Get Jesse some goddamn first unit PP time let’s go Jay do your fucking job one time.

Prediction: 6-3 Oilers, smell ya never, 2017. New year who dis?