Day After Blog: New Year Same Oilerz

General effing Disappointment. I am still really sick so bear with me as I rip into these goddamn idiots.

1st Period

Connor went full mutant on one shift, beginning with this:

And ending with this:

The first play was saved by Kurtis MacDermid, who I was about to classify as a “really bad defenseman” until I realized he has the exact same points as Adam Larsson in two less games played. The second play was a byproduct of Johnny Quick being maybe the best lateral moving goaltender in the entire NHL. Notice how he goes on his knees to laterally move across the crease, like a normal goalie does. When our goalie does that, the entire unintelligent portion of the fan base – and oh boy, there are a lot of them – berp and derp about how he needs to stay on his feet. But anyways, what does a two time Stanley Cup winning goalie know about how to play in the net, John from Leduc?

I am grumpy.

0-0

2nd Period

This was undoubtedly the TSN turning point of the night:

Jesse – our third leading goal scorer despite playing about half as many games as everyone else and getting no first unit PP time ever – just rifled one off the J-bar on a wide open cage. All time tough break because not long after:

That’s Andy Andreoff from Pickering, Ontario, who was left with nobody covering him on a 2-on-1 thanks to a ridiculously ill-advised pinch by Kris Russell. The overhead view is somehow even more painful. Kris starts at the bottom middle of the gif:

…then he gets basically to the faceoff dot, no forward has time to drop back and cover because the puck battle was handily won by LA (I thought we were getting “bigger” and “stronger” to beat these guys? *thinking emoji*) and four seconds later it was in our net.

1-0 Kings OH but wait with four seconds left Patty Maroon was issued a five minute major and a game misconduct for targeting the head of Drew Doughty. Good old fashion rough n’ tough rock ’em sock ’em hockey amiright, Northern Alberta? Anyways what he did was put the team down a man for five straight minutes, sending out the worst home penalty kill in NHL history.

Literally.

The worst home penalty kill in NHL history.

At 55.5% (!!!) the Edmonton Oilers home penalty kill ranks 1029/1029 (!!!!!!) since we began tracking penalty kill as a stat. The Big Rig’s big dumb stupid fucking selfish play put the team on the penalty kill for five straight minutes with a fresh sheet of ice. What in the name of sweet fuck could possibly go wrong there?

3rd Period

Headshot:

Double kill:

Un-friggen-believable:

Nobody had their position covered on the second goal. Ryan Strome gave maybe the feeblest effort of clearing the puck on the third goal, and then ultimately the puck went off Kris Russell’s leg and through Cam’s five hole and was left there for Dustin Brown to tap it in. Brandon Davidson came out to challenge the shot on the fourth goal, which ended up going off the boards and on the tape of an uncovered Adrian Kempe. No urgency, no structure, no belief. Just a bunch of lost animals out there.

And the dagger:

Look at everyone’s positioning before this goal went in:

We have four guys covering the puck carrier, leaving Dustin Brown literally all alone, and one guy who is practically in Nisku as the Kings are milliseconds away from putting their fifth goal in the net. The 2017/18 Edmonton Oilers season.

5-0 final, holy shit.

Thoughts

Social media, as per the norm in Edmonton, understandably exploded after this one. But Oil Country took it a step further this time. First, someone relegated us to the AHL:

And then, someone took to Wikipedia to update the Oilers GM situation:

God, I love us.

So, can we talk about how Peter Chiarelli inherited a team that desperately needed an offensive defenseman and had Connor McDavid, Leon Draisaitl, Taylor Hall, Jordan Eberle, and Ryan Nugent-Hopkins on the roster, and two years later we’ve traded two of those players, we still lack that offensive defenseman, and now we can’t score either?

I did the numbers last night. This year, Ryan Strome and Adam Larsson have a combined 0.291 points per game this year. This year, Taylor Hall and Jordan Eberle are clipping at a combined 0.857 points per game rate. If you’re wondering why we can’t score, it’s because we sold our scoring for 50 cents on the dollar and refused to replace it. It’s that simple. We had the pieces to do this. We could have even used those pieces to acquire also good pieces. We didn’t, and now we’re suffering.

For the record, Cap Space’s career points per game is still hovering around 0.

Fuck this guy and his sign:

Narrator’s voice: “Nothing changed….”

Since Todd stood in front of the media and told them that the team had spent an entire practice working on the penalty kill, team’s have gone a combined 5/9 on the power play against the Oilers. That’s a penalty killing percentage of 44%.

Our power play fucking sucks. I have absolutely no idea why Jay Woodcroft still has a job. This has to be part of some elaborate delusional tribalism that Todd has with his staff because Jay is the worst and we can’t score on a man advantage despite having maybe the best player in hockey on our roster.

That was the first time in Connor’s career that he’s gone three consecutive games without a point. I will never forgive Ryan Strome for passing the puck on that wide open net against Jeff fucking Glass and Chicago. This is seriously all his fault.

It would take a literal miracle to make the playoffs now. Godspeed, Edmonton.

Hottest Take of the Night

The Bakersfield Condors are in last in their division.

Oh here was another scorcher:

Dammit Talbot preventing the Oilers from scoring goals with a healthy blue line, or something!!

MOP

Despite the shit result it was actually a really good game up until the third period. MOP was without question, Connor.

GGG

I’m debating stripping this award from the team but it’s just such a great name and I love having something named after Gator, so yea. I’ll give this one to Drake Caggiula because I watched him make a big hit.