Morning After Blog: The Nurse is Here

Apologies for the Gene headline but my God, call your damn doctors. The Nurse has arrived (okay I’m done). Darryl was ELECTRIC last night and showcased a shot that maybe one quarter of the city knew or thought he had. His two goals last night tied his career high (5) and brought him up to 16 points.

Yaaaaaa fuck ya.

I’m also not going to sit here and pretend like I’m giddy about beating the 31st place Coyotes for our 19th win of the year. Like, Christ. Oh we came back and beat a team that we should beat anyways, congrats on doing your jobs. Beat the Knights tonight, then we’ll talk.

1st Period


It’s like, we lost the faceoff, then everyone forgot their assignments, and a lucky bounce ends up actually being an unlucky bounce too, as the biscuit rattles right off the post and onto Brad Richardson’s tape. One minute and 14 goddamn seconds later:

Well, Russell and Jesse both chased the puck carrier (Keller) up the wall, and that left Dvorak wide open in the corner. Then, he walked out completely unimpeded to the net, and found Josh Archibald backdoor. That was it for Cam. Two on three shots. In comes Big Al:

That is a preposterous mask. Turns out it’s exactly what we needed. A little over 10 minutes after the goalie shift, it was D-Money, Darryl Nurse, stepping into a heat-seeking fucking missile:


LOOK AT THE CROWD LOOK AT ALL THE ARMS!! I swear it was a better and more electric atmosphere than the Rog Mahal this year. Probably because we aren’t killing penalties at a historically low rate on the road. Also, vacationers are rowdy as hell, especially Albertans. You go anywhere – Mexico, Jamaica, Hawaii, Thailand, Mumbai, the Vegas Strip, the Gaza Strip – if there’s an Albertan there, he’s drunk before noon. That’s how we DO fam!

Anyways before the end of the period Connor went on a pre-birthday shift from HELL and it ended with the Big Rig, Big Daddy Maroon, burying just his second goal in 16 (!!!!) games.

He’s only scored twice since December 6th. Twice. Three goals since November 28th.

Also oh my God, Connor. You bad boy. Fucking smell ya, Goligoski.


2nd Period

The shots were 5-5.

Still 2-2

3rd Period

Okay it started with this ridiculous display of absurdity:

Ya Connor won the puck to himself and then proceeded to blow by four of the five Arizona Coyotes on the ice, nearly murdering future possible Edmonton Oiler, Oliver Ekman-Larsson. It looked like Arizona got a little excited and fired up some premature celebratory lights there. Even the visiting in-game entertainment department could barely contains their boners on the play.

Anyways this play really set the tone for the rest of the game, and the victory was in our grasp thanks to this second D-Bomb of the night:

BAAAAAAZOOKA! What a pass by Leon Draisaitl, the recipient of an alleged Darnell Nurse bomb of a different variety earlier in the year. I could watch that shot before sex. Ka-friggen-boom, baby.

After Leon messed up what would have been Connor’s third point of the night, Christ, Clayton Keller promptly slipped on the ice and turned the puck over to Milan Lucic, who fed little Nuge for his team leading 16th of the year:

4-2 good guys, final.


A win’s a win, technically even if it is against the worst team ever. Let’s dance:



For a game with virtually no hype, there was a lot of shit to talk about. Let’s start with Michael Cammalleri successfully becoming the second Oiler this year to have his knee nearly severed, and having the play not whistled for a penalty:

The NHL rules on kneeing:

(50.1) Kneeing – Kneeing is the act of a player or goalkeeper leading with his knee and in some cases extending his leg outwards to make contact with his opponent.

(50.2) Minor Penalty – The Referee, at his discretion, may assess a minor penalty, based on the severity of the infraction, to a player or goalkeeper guilty of kneeing an opponent.

(50.3) Major Penalty – The Referee, at his discretion, may assess a major penalty, based on the severity of the infraction, to a player or goalkeeper guilty of kneeing an opponent.

(50.4) Match Penalty – The Referee, at his discretion, may assess a match penalty if, in his judgement, the player or goalkeeper attempted to or deliberately injured his opponent by kneeing.

(50.5) Game Misconduct Penalty – When a player or goalkeeper has been assessed a major penalty for kneeing he shall also be assessed a Game Misconduct.

(50.6) Fines and Suspensions – There are no specified fines or suspensions for kneeing, however, supplementary discipline can be applied by the Commissioner at his discretion.

(50.7) The Edmonton Oilers – If the plaintiff or the recipient of the knee-on-knee plays for the Edmonton Oilers, than the defendant will be found not guilty on any of the above. Kindly disregard all the rules and carry on.

It’s right there in the rules.

Milan Lucic: We need to stop taking penalties that hurt the team.

Also Milan Lucic:

Of course, he made up for it by setting up Nuge for the game-clinching goal after doing nothing except watch Clayton Keller trip over his own feet.

I have Milan Lucic in my salary cap fantasy league (I picked him up after putting Filip Forsberg on IR… they make the same amount of money per year, YOWZA) so I was fired the hell up after that useless point.

Here is Adam Larsson shooting the puck no less than 31 feet wide:

A) The trade was one for one. B) The offense dies when it touches Adam’s stick. He is offensively crippled. He has two assists this year. As many of you may know, I like to think of Jamie Oleksiak as the worst player in the entire NHL. He is a fucking diaper infested dumpster fire in literally every component of hockey. Jamie has two assists this year. They have the exact same stats, actually. C) Why?

Okay, some of you may think I dislike Kris Russell. I don’t. I actually really like Kris Russell. I dislike… no, I HATE Kris Russell’s contract. It sucks. It’s awful. It’s an impregnable force. You cannot move it. It’s impossible. That has nothing to do with Kris Russell, the person. That has everything to do with Peter Chiarelli, the person. I would absolutely love Kris Russell on like a one or two year deal at about $2-2.5 million per. Good Albertan kid who wears his heart on his sleeve every night, who would block a shot with his nuts a la Patrick Thoresen/Matty Hendricks if that meant the team would win. I seriously love that. I wish he made less money, but I love his goddamn character. Anyways. Here he is taking four years to decide what to do with the puck, and promptly turning it over:

Kris Russell is like one of the league leaders in zone exists though so that’ll add to his building resume at least.

We have fun here, he gets it (he’s never heard of us).

Could the forwards have helped him out? Maybe. Could he have looked off his first two options like a functional defenseman and fed it to his wide open blue line partner to make a play happen instead? Sure.

Who cares, we won.

Al Montoya!!!!!!!! Could you imagine if that was LB lol ya nope.


Darryl!! Beat his ass!!!


Give it to Big Al, he made some huge saves there in the third to keep the boys alive. Grinded out that win for us. Also had a hilarious post game interview:

See you guys in like a couple hours for the game day blog.