Welp

Todd: “Hey guys. Glad to be back. Little house cleaning for you guys. Darnell is playing great. He’s going to get some power play time. We worked on the power play today. Jesse still isn’t on PP1. Jay still has a job. Oh, and our leading scorer is out until March. Happy Friday.”

Life —> Fast:

This is like the reverse of the Hawaiian faux-missile crisis. Hey guys, don’t worry, everything’s okay, there are no missiles *six days later* Nuge has a crack in his fucking ribs LOL GOTCHU.

This season stinks and I hate almost everything about it but at least I was clinging to three things:

 

  • Connor is a blessing greater than anything ever obtained in the history of humanity and we are not worthy of his holiness nor do we deserve him quite frankly but he was sent to us anyways and we have him so suck it everyone else.
  • Jesse fucks.
  • Nuge was making all of us Decade of Darkness survivors proud.

And now his watch has ended, for 5-6 weeks. This just breaks my damn heart, man. Much like his rookie season, Nuge was having his best year in the NHL until the injury gods charged down from whichever shit box they come from and punctured our little baby Nuge’s little baby ribs. I give up, we’re cursed (or, equally possible, we’re run and managed by the human equivalents of explosive diahhrea).

One of two things will inevitably happen. First, either we go on a MASSIVE thermonuclear PDO streak from hell because Connor and Leon are split up and then the Pistol decides we don’t need Nuge anymore so trades him for a third line winger, the deal is one for one. OR, my personal favourite, we continue to stink because that’s sometimes what happens when you take the leading goal scorer off your roster for 90-ish days and Peter decides that the team needs another culture vaccination so he trades the longest serving Edmonton Oiler (seven years, Christ) for a third line winger, and the trade is still one for one. Either way, we are breathtakingly fucked. We’re either going to win the right amount of games to just miss the playoffs and then trade Nuge, or we’re going to bomb it like we did in 2015-16 and then Nuge essentially becomes this season’s Taylor Hall.

I mean, I guess it’s possible that they do the logical thing and do not sell our only remaining asset from the DoD for a nickel on the dollar? But these are the Oilers, and logic isn’t in our DNA. Jay Woodcroft is still running the power play.

Bye week ends tomorrow.

PS – Speaking of bye weeks ending, Calgary returns tomorrow as well. To add another layer of dump icing on top of this shit cake, Calgary has won seven in a row. Yep. Undefeated since Glen Gulutzan launched his stick into the nose bleeds. They are now the next closest PAC team to my newest enemy, Amy’s Vegas Golden Knights. Everything sucks.


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