ENS Game Day Blog: Goodbye Davey, It’s Been Nice (Again), Oilers @ Kings

Earlier today:

Look, Peter sucks at his job and I want him to get fired more than I want oxygen to breathe, but this trade kind of doesn’t suck. First, he got a third-round pick for a guy who we picked up off waivers, and that pick is important because lest we forget he donated a fourth to Montreal for a goalie who might start a total of five games for our team. But more importantly, he got rid of his annual Garth Snow trade without getting pile-driven into Halley’s Comet. I don’t want to speak too soon. It’s still early and there’s still lots of time for Garth to hit Petey with that “you up?” text which will ultimately break our hearts but we’ll respond anyways because Chiarelli is dumb. However, the Curse of the Reinhart looks like it might have dodged us in 2018. Fuck you, Garth Snow! (Peter, quickly block his number… quickly, quickly… ).

Our parade to the finish line continues tonight in the place where we officially wrote of the season. That game in LA just a few weeks ago all but solidified our birth in the draft lottery. And now, we return to the City of Angels to try and salvage whatever is left of this shit awful nightmare.

Tonight’s Opponent: LA Kings. Well look who it is:

IT’S A DOUBLE DION!!

What do they have? As you already know, the team made a Valentine’s Day swap with the worst organization in the history of the world (yes, it’s not the Oilers, and it’s not the Florida Panthers either). The Ottawa Senators successfully unloaded Dion Phaneuf by absorbing Marian Gaborik’s equally absurd contract. But this blog isn’t about how terrible and corrupt Eugene Melnyk is. It’s about LA. Yes. Them…

 

 

…I don’t have much. They’re better than us. We probably will not beat them this year. We haven’t won at the Staples Center since the assassination of Franz Ferdinand. Every time we play them, regardless of who is in net, their goalies always manage to:

And I hate it. I hate how boring these games are. I hate that I know that I’m going to sit my ass on the couch and watch all three periods of this inevitable 2-1 loss. I didn’t want to write this blog. Straight up. I got bored just thinking about doing it. I procrastinated like this was a 2,000 word essay on Norway’s tax brackets. I wanted nothing to do with this. I still don’t. Like I said, I – like many of you – will commit to watching this game tonight KNOWING that it will be painful and KNOWING that we will probably lose because we’re literally immune to success in their arena. Such is Oilers fanning.

Nice to see that their Twitter account is still trying to stay relevant:

Hilarious, guys. It’s refreshing to see you’re trying a little bit harder now that Vegas is absolutely body bagging you.

What do we have? Sometime either today or tomorrow, we will see the last of Pat Maroon and Mark Letestu. What we will get for these guys is a complete mystery. Nobody knows. That arguably worries me even more. If word on the street was, like, ya these two free agent totally meh players are probably going to land prospect X or draft pick Y I’d be like okay, cool… you have your map, Peter! But there’s no map, which means that Petey will trade them for what he deems valuable, as he’s done with every player he’s ever moved. And that’s bad. That’s very, very bad. He’ll start by trying to trade Maroon for a first round pick and then finish off by trading Nuge to like Columbus for Jack Johnson and sign Maroon to an eight year, $50 million deal with a full NMC just so this organization is terrifyingly fucked when his inevitable departure occurs.

On the ice (for now, because trades) Rej is back:

And Ty Rattie has been recalled, which I’m happy to see:

And most importantly, we have Connor McDavid and he makes even the most gruesomely horrific losses worth witnessing.

I want to watch this again. This was fun:

Ah, what this season could have been. Haven’t used this in a year, but… there’s always next year!

Did you know? Ottawa pinning Erik Karlsson in a trade with Bobby Ryan depletes Karlsson’s value to basically oblivion, and is something so insane that I don’t even think the Oilers would do it. It takes a generationally cheap human being to demand the removal of a big contract so bad that he’s willingly sacrificing assets in what could be one of the biggest hauls in NHL history solely so he can stop paying someone. And if you think Eugene would spend the money he saves off Ryan elsewhere then you don’t know Eugene. Ottawa will be forced to tarp their entire upper bowl next season and I cannot wait to watch the gigantic library that is the Canadian Tire Centre put babies to sleep next year. We’ll be in last place for the 100th straight season and still putting our butts in taxpayers seats because we’re suckers but Ottawa is seriously going to average about 40 fans per game next season in that utopian hellscape of Kanata. It’s going to be magnificent. I feel no pain.

Prediction: It’s going to be 2-1 for someone, might as well make it us. Connor with both. Leon assists on them both. Lucic gets lost trying to backcheck and ends up in the Clippers dressing room and tries to fight Austin Rivers.

Dion with a monster.


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