Game Day Blog 52/82: The Biggest Road Trip of the Year, Oilers @ Kings

This is it. This three game road trip will ultimately decide the fate of the Edmonton Oilers. We already on the verge of hopeless, but losing two or three games on this road trip would be the final nail in the shit coffin. Even losing one game might puncture or rupture a serious organ, leaving us to bleed out in the parking lot of Northgate Mall as we futilely attempt to crawl our way into the playoffs or, metaphorically speaking, over in like fucking Windermere. At least we’re still technically on our feet as of this very moment. As Cam the Iceman said, until such time as three Pacific and two wildcard teams have that dumb little x- beside their names, we still have a chance. We’re still breathing. We just turd pumped the best team in hockey to the moon and back and Connor McDavid is officially on a mission to murder any team that crosses his path. Don’t think about what we need the other teams to do. Don’t think about why we’re in this position to begin with. We’ll have plenty of time to overanalyze this season when it’s over. Think about winning divisional games. Think about taking the rest of this season one day at a goddamn time until the season is finished. I want this. You want this. the Iceman better want this because he pretty much guaranteed it. God knows Connor wants this. Believe, Edmonton, until math and chances tell us there’s no more hope… believe. Let’s go beat the goddamn Kings.

Tonight’s Opponent: The Angles Kings

Their Record: 28-19-5, 61 points

Our Record: 23-24-4, 50 points

What do they have? Oh, look out! We have some… big… tough… HEAVY hockey tonight! BAH GAWD, that’s the sink pisser’s music:

The Oilers, as we’re all aware, built this team to compete against the bullies like LA and Anaheim. The irony in that is we’re now bigger and slower than ever and we still get our faces pummelled by the Kings.

And the reality is, we’re not losing to the Kings because they’re so much meaner and nastier and MORE FEROCIOUS (Dave’s word, not mine) than we are. It’s February, we’ve been leading the league in hits since day one, and we’re still 12 points out of a playoff spot, and the Kings still beat the absolute shit out of us early last month. We’re losing to the Kings because they have a game plan against us; specifically, they have a game plan against Connor. does it work? Meh. Maybe one-third of the time. Daddy’s league-wide points per game percentage is fifth lowest against the Kings. I mean, it’s still 0.778 ppg (7 points in 9 career games), which is more than most good players have as a career percentage, but it’s not what he does to Calgary or Dallas or Columbus and that’s for sure. They’re a solid defensive team. They have a good system that works against speed and since Connor is the only player doing anything offensively productive for us at the moment, that’s kind of all we have. Also, Jonathan Quick basically transforms into prime Hasek when he plays against us but ohhhhhhhhh guess what?

Darcy Kuemper gets the call for LA tonight. Kuemper has back-to-back shutouts rolling so he’s due for a light up. And despite Jonathan Quick’s horrendous play of late, he still would have shutout the Oil tonight. Fuck Jonathan Quick.

What do we have? Connor McDavid has four goals and five points in his last one game and he’s the hottest player in hockey. Fin.

Did you know? The Kings Twitter account was annoyingly funny like in 2013. Now they’re just sad, pathetic, and reusing the same jokes that everyone else used years ago. Essentially, they’re the entire Winnipeg Jets fan base. Like this one, here. Great burn, guys. You really crushed us.

PICTURED: 3x 2017-18 NHL award winner and a 2019-20 Toronto Maple Leafs’ defenseman.

Prediction: I’m on a one game heater when it comes to predicting how many points Daddy will finish with, so let’s do this. Oilers win 4-2. Connor gets two, Jesse scores.