Game Day Blog 59/82: Chiarelli-Inception, Bruins @ Oilers

Exactly 1,042 days ago, the Boston Bruins made an organizational decision that would dramatically bone the Edmonton Oilers from behind. Exactly 1,033 days ago, the literal goddamn week after that shit-canning took place, Bob Nicholson went out and made Peter Chiarelli the general disappointment manager of the Edmonton Oilers. I think Boston was eliminated from the playoffs on like the last day of the season that year, too. What if they would have snuck it? We certainly wouldn’t have hired Peter on April 24, that’s for sure. And their first round matchup would have been against the Rangers. Did you know that Boston went 2-1 against the Rangers that season? In another dimension, Boston gets into the playoffs over Pittsburgh, upsets the Rangers, the Oilers hire Ray Shero instead, we never make that trade with the Devils because Petey ain’t here and Ray ain’t there, we don’t sign Milan Lucic because Peter doesn’t get fired from Boston and Sweeney doesn’t have the chance of trading him to LA so Petey resigns Lucic in Boston instead of signing him in Edmonton, and we draft Matthew Barzal with the 16th pick instead of trading it for a guy who flips burgers at a Five Guys in suburban Chicago. Our top six looks something like this:

Nuge – McDavid – Draisaitl
Hall – Barzal – Eberle

We beat teams by fucking 50 every night. Shero trades Andrew Ference back to Chiarelli for Danton Heinen. The trade is one for one.

Okay, back to reality.


Tonight’s Opponent: Bahstan.

What do they have? I’m going to switch sports up a bit because Boston is very good and playing out of their damn minds right now (for those wondering, this ballparks the magic number at 3, as in, three years without Chiarelli was what it took to get them out of the shit hole). So let’s take a gander over to Pats Nation instead. It’s been an interesting few weeks in their community. They lost the Super Bowl to a team that was terminally immune to winning the Super Bowl, but the best part: When the Birds signed Nick Foles, the top comment about it on Reddit was from a Pats fan making fun of the contract:

This city breeds arrogance. Nobody deserves Chiarelli more than the Bruins and those sadistic sacks of asshole sent him our way and then proceeded to donate Dougie Hamilton to our biggest rivals while we worked on a trade that would see, of all people, Garth Snow wipe his butt with our nose. Somewhere, there is a demonic butterfly whose effect has been so cruel and abhorrent to our city and team that I personally vow to crush it and break into its habitat and take a dump on its front lawn.

Tuukka Rask has two regulation losses since we beat him back on November 26. Cam has two regulation losses in the last 120 hours.

Unfortunately, Tony Khudobin is getting the start for Boston tonight (Tuukka beat Calgary in over time yesterday, thank you). That means the Oil are facing a backup. That means that, if oyur a fan or immediate family member of Anton Khudobin, I’d highly recommend turning the game on tonight. Never a better shot at having the game of his life.

What do we have? We’re six hours from puck drop and Cam’s already given up a goal.


He won’t be back until March, but, you know, maybe that’s a good thing. I don’t want Petey putting his conniving little hands on a trade that sends my little buddy to (insert Eastern Conference team) in a one for one trade for (insert bottom six winger). You stay away from Nuge, Peter.

The Oilers have done the unthinkable… they’ve made me utterly incapable of laughing hysterically at the Canucks:

Me, craving to laugh at the monumentally horrible organizational decision of a team a quite honestly despise…

… but remembering that we traded Hall for Larsson, and gave Lucic seven years at $6 million with a NMC, and gave Kris Russell four years at $4 million with a no movement clause, and traded a first and a second for Griff Reinhart, and will probably trade Nuge/Klefbom for a box of fucking cheerios.

Poor Brock Boeser.

Poor Connor McDavid.

What a wise thing to say, Kass. It’s as if trailing in the early stages of a game kinda stinks or something. Why not try to score first, amiright?

I’m still debating paying my own money to go watch this game because I am a sucker and I deserve so many terrible things.

On Lowetide’s blog today, he brought up an idea (not a rumour, juts to clarify, it’s juts a “for fun” idea) of the Oilers trading Milan Lucic and Oscar Klefbom for Erik Karlsson and Bobby Ryan, because Pierre Dorion is beyond stupid and is somehow intestinally diminishing the return on Erik Karlsson by handcuffing teams into taking Bobby Ryan’s MAMMOTH contract with it as well:

Here’s the thing, if doing that trade meant:

  1. Getting Erik Karlsson, and;
  2. Getting rid of Milan Lucic

Then sign me the hell up. Don’t care what it makes us taste as far as cap is concerned, that’s a trade I could get behind. However, Milan would shut that trade down because we gave him a full NMC to protect his ass from being sent to Ottawa, so ya. Back to reality, again.

Prediction: 4-3 Oil. Don’t know why. That sounds like a good score to me. Connor with two. Lucic scores tonight because we’re playing against Boston. Easiest prediction I’ve ever made.