Morning After Blog: Opportunity Missed

Well, shit. This team should win 100/100 over times but Todd’s decision making for three on three is nothing short of disastrous. We rely on Connor McDavid to win the free-for-all frame on his own, and when he has to change, we simply sit back and pray we do not get scored on. Jesse Puljujarvi is a big, fast, defensively responsible winger who obsesses over outdoor rinks and getting open and firing the puck on net and then Todd just goes YA OKAY CAGGIULA AND STROME BABY because why? Why?! Oh, Drake scored a goal that bounced off his arm today let’s get him out in OT and put him on PP1 and MAKE HIM THE TEAM CAPTAIN HE’S UNTOUCHABLE fucking kill me in my sleep. Nobody other than maybe Mark Letestu has done less and earned more than Drake Caggiula. Over time pros: He’s fast. Over time cons: He is dreadful to watch with the puck. He skated around the offensive zone like Hemsky minus the skill, and then lost control of the puck and let Colorado go back the other way and had no idea who to cover and then bam, it’s in the net, and now we’re 12 points out of a playoff spot. Get Jesse on PP1. Get Jesse some over time looks. It’s February 2nd, I seriously can’t believe we’re still having this debate.

On a more serious note, we received absolutely awful news about Adam Larsson’s father today, who passed away while visiting Adam in Edmonton. Heartbreaking to hear, and our thoughts go out to Adam and the entire Larsson family as they mourn the loss of their loved one. Keep them in your wishes this weekend.

1st Period

Not a single memorable thing took place. Yawn Fest 2018.

We failed to score on a power play. In other news: Water is wet, the sun is hot, male dogs are good boys, and Jesse fucks.


2nd Period

Nikita Zadorov scored his first goal in two months:

Just a bizarre play by Rej to panic-fire a soft backhand up the wall but you’d at least expect a forward to be there. Instead, Kass was caught behind Zadorov, because reasons, then Mark Letestu had his jock strap launched into the SkyLounge by the Avs’ sort of rugged blue liner, and he fired an uncontested bullet from the slot. What a baffling play by our fourth line.

Annnnnd the Oilers took a penalty. Annnnnnd the worst home penalty kill in league history went to work. Annnnnd the results were as expected:

Connor does a million things well and is super awesome and amazing at everything he touches but he hasn’t killed penalties well this year. After losing a puck battle along the boards at the blue line (I should mention that Kass was right beside him and, much like the first goal, did nothing productive whatsoever). Eight seconds later it was in our net. We have no idea how to kill a penalty.

Five on five, though, this team can bring it. Here’s Connor McDesignatedHitter hammering his own rebound of midair while at full speed:

It’s not often one uses the word “tuck” when referring to a goal that was not taken by any form of a wrist shot but that was a tuck. He legit tucked that fucker under the bar while batting the puck out of the air. Are you kidding me with that shit? Patty Nemeth got blazed to shreds on the play.

And then Drake Caggiula scored a goal for just the third time since November ohhhhh but wait:

Just kidding, they reviewed it and it counted.

Just kidding, the coaches challenge proved that Drake did in fact shove Bernier’s glove directly into the net, which is illegal. So here’s what happened: The call on the ice was a good goal for some asinine reason. They reviewed to determine if the puck crossed the line, because they cannot review a subjective call like goaltender interference unless the coaches elect to challenge the play. Therefore, as you can see, the puck did in fact cross the goal line, even though the way in which it did was totally against the rules (I thought maybe Drake’s stick got to the puck before Bernier’s glove, but even if it did, like hell the Oil would ever get that call).

After the goal was allowed, Bednar immediately challenged the call, which was the right move, because fucking clearly. The refs spent roughly two seconds looking at it again before ultimately making the right call and disallowing the goal. If Colorado had lost their coaches challenge earlier in the game, this goal would have counted. The NHL has no idea what it’s doing anymore.

But anyways, at least they gave us a power play out of all that:

I hate our power play. I hate it so, so much. Kevin Malone from The goddamn Office was better at his job than Jay Woodcroft.

“The trick is to undercook the onions.”

3rd Period

We actually came out fired up for the third. Imagine that. Trailing by two goals to a team that is playing without their best player and the second highest scoring player in the league right now, and the team decides “Hey, let’s do that hockey in the third.” Good boys, I’m so proud.

I’m not proud. What the actual hell took you so long?

Here’s good St. Albert kid Matty Benning launching a wrister off of Drake Caggiula:

Best part about that was the only reason Drake was in position to get hit by that shot was because Blake Comeau pushed him right into it. Good one, Blake. Good one.

Then in the dying seconds, with the net empty, it was Daddy time:

I love him more than Christmas. Leon with the intentional but maybe not intentional miss and then Daddy on the doorstep for his now-team leading 17th of the year and we’re going to over time.



Annnnnnnd we blew it:

(Note: the gif I made wasn’t working when I tried to embed it in the blog. I could have made another one, but also I don’t want to relive that again, so whatever. You know what happened).

4-3 Avalanche, final.


24-8-0 now. There goes our one gimme loss.

Yak with none.

Colorado scored more on our power plays than we did.

Today in “The NHL”: This was goalie interference:

And this was not goalie interference:

So Jake Allen gets FedEx’d out of state and Boston is allowed to score, but Connor’s foot grazes Rittich’s glove and that doesn’t count. What is going on anymore?

ICYMI: Al Montoya, aka Big Al, did not talk to the media prior to the game due to his regular routine. It’s what he does to prepare. It’s fine. Nobody gives a shit about what pre-game drop-down template of clichés a player has decided to use on any particular night. “They’re a good team.” “They’re fast.” “They have some guys who can play.” “We have to be ready.” “We need ot stay focused.” “It’s important that we bounce back.” “Get a win in front of our fans.” “Get pucks deep.” “Stay out of the box.” *DERRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPP* Look at some of our last pre-game comments:

Three of Maroon’s last interviews have been some form of the phrase: “We need to stay focused and play hockey good and herp and derp and burp and keep our heads up.” The fuck cares? I want a win. And if I get a win, I want the boys to be fired up and congratulate each other afterwards. Or if they lose, I want to hear why from their mouths. I don’t give a single goddamn actual shit about hypotheticals and recycled clichés. BUT OH MY GOD IF YOU DECLINE A DUMB AND USELESS COMMENT TO ONE RYAN RISHAUG YOU BETTER BE PREPARED FOR A TWITTER ASSASSINATION:

Imagine insinuating that a person is fragile in his or her preparation, or that he or she carries bad qualities because they would rather focus on the task at hand instead of blabbing on in front of a bunch of cameras about nonsensical bullshit before a game? Then imagine taking those thoughts and making the public so your 125,000 Twitter followers can see? But that’s the hard-hitting journalism that trench warriors like Rishaug get paid the big dollars for. Needed Al to say he was excited for the opportunity to play or else what in the world would he possibly write (other than, you know… one single, original thought… for once). And of course, like the infant chickens that they are, some of the other media folk decided to ride Ryan’s coattail in this public humiliation of a player, because if there’s one thing the media MSM loves, it’s dragging a player’s character bare skin through a glass-infested septic tank:

Say what you want about Gene Principe and his ridiculous puns but at least the man has ethics and honour when it comes to reporting. He never throws a player in front of a freight train. He asks honest questions without humiliating the players. He’ genuinely a good human being, and some of the other media brass in Edmonton could take a page or two out of Gene’s playbook. Even Dave Staples, author of famous books like “Why Don’t You Practice Harder?” and “The Guinness Book of Players Who Lack Heart and Leadership,” thought Rishaug’s comments were offside. So naturally, like any reasonable human, Al did not want to give Ryan the time of day after he was very publically chastised for something as meaningless as a pre game interview:

Good for Al, man. #someoneelse could be the official slogan for Oilers fans in the 2017-18 season. Letestu on PP1? #someoneelse. Jay Woodcroft? #someoneelse. Peter Chiarelli? #someoneelse. Drew fucking Remenda? #someoneelse. Hunter the Horrifyingly Demonic Lynx? #someoneelse.

Hottest Takes of the Night

Of course, even when something as unethically obvious as taking a full steam run at a player’s character gets repulsively vomited on our feeds by one of the team’s official reporters, a small number of Oilers fans will still be Oilers fans, proving once again that we do not deserve anything nice:

Yea nine seasons in the NHL is a pretty terrible career but happy Friday, Rizzly.


Lucic had a horrible first and second period but in the third he hit Tony Lindholm so hard it caused a magnitude 5 in Whitecourt.


It was Connor.

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