Weekend After Blog: Nice

Hell ya, Connor.

Some of you may have noticed I did not cover the team this weekend. If you were looking for your ENS personal remedy after a 1-0 loss to the Arizona Coyotes (!!!!!!!!!) then I’m truly sorry. I took the weekend off due entirely to the fact that I’ve been unusually busy this month (year), and at times it’s been tough to keep this head above the blog water.

That said, in a couple of weeks my schedule will clear up substantially, which will be great, considering I’m going to have a ton of work to do covering this team’s futile remainder of the season. Examples: I’m going to need to do a draft preview, and that’s going to take some time and research. A trade deadline recap will be a must. I might literally periscope the Draft Lottery, just in case we actually do the unthinkable and win our fifth in eight years. Lord knows the Oilers Awards will run on our normally scheduled time this year. Lot of work to do between now and the start of next year. We’re on this ride together, so fasten your goddamn seatbelts.

Arizona Game

Let’s briefly begin with the Arizona game. I don’t want to spend too much time here because this game was the only thing this weekend produced that was worse than Fergie’s National Anthem. However, I still need to somewhat accurately depict what exactly went down. Here’s the story:

  • Arizona scored on their first shot of the game.
  • We had a goal disallowed for goalie interference.
  • We lost.

In that order. That’s it. That’s exactly what happened. Nothing else worth mentioning. It was the perfect avatar for the 2017-18 Oilers. Allowed the first shot of the game for the ninety-third billionth fucking time, had a goal called back, went 0-2 on the power play, and lost to a borderline AHL club. Think about this: we’ve lost to four of the five teams that are actually below us in the standings. It’s a miracle that we’re not in the playoffs. Put this game in a goliath-sized crematory and never speak of it again.

Colorado Game

A normal fan base would do anything other than watch their favourite team play the Colorado Avalanche just 23 hours after being humiliatingly shutout by the worst team in hockey. Sadly, we are not a normal fan base. Rarely does this illogical and dumbfounded trait ever work in our favour but last night… last night was one of those rare, and beautiful exemptions where being a clinically dysfunctional Oilers fan truly paid off.

It didn’t start that way. Nope. Cam actually decided he’d save the first shot of the game, electing to let the second one in instead.


That’s Tyson Jost, good St. Albert kid, shooting the puck from Orion’s Belt to beat Cam.

Blogger’s Note: My apologies if the gifs look like they were filmed by a microwave, I did not do the gifs during the game like a normally do, because reasons (I was le tired) therefore I have no idea what quality these will be. I know they certainly will not be HD, unless HD stands for horrendous definition. Either way. If you’re wondering why the gifs look like a series of KHL highlights, now you know.

And I believe it was roughly around this moment where Connor actively stopped giving a fuck, and completely took over the game:

Hahahahahahahahaha Shooter McDavid. Literally no-scoped the second goal and put it top stairs. Get outta here with us missing the playoffs despite having this X-Men character. Thanks a lot, Chia.

McDavid put in an empty net goal for the first hat trick that I haven’t watched him score this season, and his third in total. Three hat tricks in one year for a guy who gets criticized for not shooting enough haha.

4-2, final.

Thoughts About Both I Guess But Mostly Colorado Because Ugh, Hell Ya

When you lose 1-0 to the worst team in hockey and you want to push this team off the edge of a cliff but then 24 hours later Connor McDavid gets a hat trick:

Ryan Strome scored for the first time since the invention of fire.

Speaking of Neanderthals, Milan Lucic still hasn’t scored in 2018. It’s almost March.

Imagine spending 150 of your precious Saturday minutes to watch the 27th place Edmonton Oilers lose 1-0 to the 31st place Arizona Coyotes. There are very few things that I would NOT wish upon my enemies (Ryan Kesler, Matt Tkachuk, the Florida Panthers) but sitting through that load of woolly mammoth shit would be one of those things. I’d seriously rather give myself 14 consecutive cortisone shots to the pelvis than sit through that insufferable attempt of hockey.

Cam Talbot had about enough of the NHL’s bullshittery:

That’s my Iceman. Dude has dumped on every bed he’s slept in this year but I’ll be damned if I didn’t perpetually love him like a son who’s older than me. Anyways, that didn’t impress everyone, like, for instance, Dr. Damien Shit Sniffer, PhD in Sniffing Shit, University of Go Lick a Butt:

And then proceeded to suggest that Cam should sit in the War Room as some form of punishment:

Oh, Damien. Cam was frustrated over a lack of consistency that goes back to last year, and I think he was well within his boundaries to criticize what has been an impossibly large amount of blown calls on behalf of this league you so butthurtingly put on a pedestal. You say the league officials can’t say anything back? I argue that them not making any effort to change their subjective analysis is their answer back. I also would argue that by them acknowledging Cam’s comments and demonstrating their willingness to change would be another form of an answer back. But to seriously insinuate that Cam should keep his mouth shut and that he has no right to complain is straight up beyond ridiculous when you’re notoriously known for being biggest hack in journalism and tried to scalp a “selfie” while surfing through someone’s DMs despite claiming IN YOUR LITERAL BIO that you’re “blessed to be part of an amazing family of six” you rotten, greasy, creepy fuck.

Crawl back into your hermit hole you talentless bum.

The thin-skinned, bald-headed, “you up” texting nincomshit blocked me for asking him what the selfie was for.

I miss Nuge.

Deadline is in t-minus 48 hours so let’s go.

Oh, and Jesse FOREVER:

I love that man. Watch as Todd continues to stick Jesse on the 4th line so that Caggiula can play top six and first unit PP.

GG of the Weekend

I don’t know. Khaira. Name out of a hat.

MOP of the Weekend

Daddy McHatty.