Daddy’s Home: Connor, Rattie, Nuge absolutely abolish the idiot Jets

Imma make this faster than Connor up the rush because I’m about to get heavily involved with some Dim Sum.

1st Period

This guy looks faster. This guy’s worked on his hands. This guy’s scoring 20 goals. This guy worked on his English. This guy fucks:

Yo, for a unit, Jesse can actually fly. My guy has clearly upped his game for the year. He doesn’t want to be the next Yak (I miss u boo, Yak with 70). He wants a permanent residency in the top six. More on this in a bit.

1-0 Oil

2nd Period

Oh dear god it’s begun:

It’s only preseason but lemme tell ya, wow. That line is going to terrorize opposing defensemen this season. You can’t stop the Connor McNugent-Rattie. Number 64 on that play is Jets’ 2016 first round pick, Logan Stanley. Connor made him look like a boat anchor.

Jets came back and tied it up, then Rattie put the boys back ahead. It wasn’t assisted by Connor so let’s move on.

3-2 Oilers

3rd Period

No GIF here. A GIF wouldn’t do this goal justice. Listen for the sound:

That sound off the c-bar made my hog impenetrably HARD god fucking bless Connor. It’s only preseason but my God, this line looks unstoppable and oh my god they did it again:

(Apologies for the lack of GIFs today, I know that’s my schtick but I had to leave the laptop for a bit last night) OKAAAAY these guys, you’ve proven your point! WE GET IT! You’re brilliant together! Eric Comrie has a family!!! Stop the fight!!!!

I know it’s only the preseason but this is a playoff team and I won’t hear otherwise.

Lucic scored a goal (!!!!!!!!)!!!!!!!!

And just because fuck them anyways:

I KNOW IT’S THE PRESEASON BUT WE’RE PROBABLY WINNING THE STANLEY CUP!!!

FINAL GODDAMN SCORE:

7-3 OILERS LET’S GO!

Thoughts

WOOOOOOOO

HOLY SHIT

THIS IS SOME SURREAL SHIT

NUGE IS SCORING 40

RATTIE IS BLOSSOMING INTO A STAR RIGHT BEFORE OUR EYES

CONNOR IS GETTING 140

HEY, NHL:

I may or may not have ordered all that orgasm gel after this one.

So, the first line can really do that hockey. The second line was virtual garbage. But here’s the thing: If Jesse continues to play well, there’s an infinity billion chance he slides up to the second line. The nice thing about Toby is we signed him to be a third liner, so him dropping down a line is totally okay with the structure of this hockey club. It was meant to be, in fact. Give me 27-29-98 right now, and then if the Looch Bear continues to skate like he’s attached to a parachute you can bump him down as well. then give me Yama-Drai-Jesse and watch our top lines wreck mother goddamn fucking HAVOC on the rest of the league. And then our third line could be Lucic-Strome-Toby, which is an excellent third line. And then you have like Khaira-Brodziak and anybody other than Caggiula on line 4. AND IF WE TRADE KASS FOR A DEFENSEMAN THAT OPENS UP A SPOT AND SAVES US FROM GRAVEL AND IF WE GET DECENT GOALTENDING AND GOOD SPECIAL TEAMS OH MY GOD THE POSSIBILITIES WE’RE ACTUALLY GOOD!!!

I’ve had three coffees today.

Obligatory suck my shit, Winnipeg. You idiots.

Congratulations to the Cleveland Browns! The bar has been set, Ottawa. Your move.

Can’t wait til we win a Cup before Toronto. CAN’T WAIT.

Connor looks magnificent both on the ice and just as a person. The flow and beard combo have triggered flash flood warnings all throughout the Rog Mahal.

Still undefeated.