OEL is still chasing McDavid, Oil get their 5th preseason victory

Oliver Ekman-Larsson actually LITERALLY tried to toe-drag the back-to-back Art Ross and Ted Lindsay Award winner!! (!!!) What a psychopathic decision. There has never been a more appropriate use of this GIF:

Looked back at that Coyote and said “smell you fucking absolutely never” and got the Oilers their fifth preseason victory in six games FAMMMM LET’S CHECK OUT THEM STANDINGS:

One point behind Calgary for preseason glory WITH THREE (!!!) count them!

GAMES IN HAND BOYYYY you think that game on Saturday means nothing? You’re damn wrong. That’s the preseason Mega Bowl. That’s for FIRST PLACE (in the west) in the preseason! Almost none of you were alive the last time the Oilers were first place in anything except lottery wins. God knows I’ve never witnessed a first place Oilers team before. Live look at how excited I am at all this:

Okay I was also maybe two and a half feet away from maybe my favourite large child in life. Caused part of the excitement I guess but also you can’t argue that Connor and the boys terrorizing the Show in the prelude to hockey season doesn’t have a tangible impact on the happiness of Oilers fans everywhere. I don’t care what season it is; if the Oilers are winning hockey games I’ll damn well be as happy as my boy Jesse is when he’s in the penalty box alone with his thoughts:

Let’s GO:

First Period

As you could see from the goddamn elation painted all over my face in that image above, I was at the game last night. Therefore, I did not make any GIFs. Whatever. I treated myself. Sometimes I do those things. For example, yesterday at approximately 11:30 am I bought that Jesse jersey that I promised ya’ll I would.

I also put my ass in row three so I could see the pizza crumbs on Jesse’s face. I enjoy making myself happy. Never rely on others to do that shit, you’ll only be disappointed. EXAMPLE: I’m fired up walking into the Rog Mahal for the first time since Shania tore the goddamn fucking roof off that barn and I’m wearing that new fire Jesse jersey and I’m seriously seconds away from punishing some $80 Daryl Katz beers AND THEN MIKKO “FIRST SHOT OF THE GAME” KOSKINEN let’s in a goal before I even find my seat.

Whaaaaaat the fuck, guy? In three starts, Mikko has given up the: first shot, second shot, and then first shot again. Brilliant shit.

That was a terrible period of hockey.

1-0 Yotes

2nd Period


Alex Gologoski tried to do something there. It didn’t work. Yikes. I was talking to former ENS legend Hank yesterday, and he thinks the gap between Connor and the rest of the league is bigger than we’ve seen since Gretzky’s early 80s era of utter dominance. Even Crosby didn’t have this kind of a gap in stardom. It’s just Connor right now and a bunch of people who want to be Connor, right, Auston?

What an absurd hairline.

Anyways Arizona scored before the end of the period and we trailed again.

2-1 Yotes

3rd Period


(I don’t have the GIF but you know Toby scored) LET’S GO TOBY!

Tie game means we’re heading to some preseason 3-on-3 OT ohhhh, baby!



Give him three goals and nine points in three preseason games hahahahaha.

FINAL! 3-2 Oilers, OT.


You know a two game winning streak means we’re doing a winning streak dance!

Assmann won the 50/50:

Leafs Nation has reached an unprecedented level of delusional tribalism. Take a look at what’s arguably one of the most illogically dumbfounding conversations you’ll ever read on the internet:

GUYZ Marner’s had a helluva preseason let’s USE THE G WORD!! GENERATIONAL?! Maybe in the fairy tale generation amiright?!

What the actual hell? Ty Rattie is also blowing the windows off the Stantec Tower this preseason I think he might be ~generational~ as well! Imagine saying the Leafs maybe third or fourth most important forward is a generational player? It’s thoughts like Wally’s that make me physically incapable of doing things. Fuck Mitch Marner with Auston Matthews’ dumbass jacket.

I actually really like Mitch Marner. But come on.

Enough of those idiots. The Oilers made some business decisions today, like waiving the goalie we acquired for a conditional fourth just eight months ago.

Recall: That pick was originally a fifth that became a fourth because we played Montoya in a meaningless game back in April. We will always out Oilerz the last Oilerzy thing we’ve done. Time is a flat circle, man.

Koskinen was getting the job regardless of how poorly he played, and turns out it was pretty poorly. He really failed to impress in three preseason starts. He was adequate yesterday. Gave up the first shot again because, well, because. That’s his schtick. But Cam’s looked like the Vezina Iceman again, so whatever I guess. Mikko will get his next start in Germany because Cam ain’t playing on that huge ice.

Drake Caggiula…

I thought last night was one of Aberg’s better preseason games. Still thought it wasn’t great, but it wasn’t too terribly bad either.

Ty Rattie is battling a little nagging injury and therefore won’t dress in the Mega Bowl tomorrow, meaning Jesse Puljujarvi will get some much deserved first line minutes against the Flames in our final North American preseason game!

HAHA no I’m just fucking with you:

Pros: at least it’s not Caggiula?

Cons: Todd’s prejudice against Jesse has not drifted away.

Power play could use some work. That’s a whole mess of deja vu.

Starting to think it might have been Todd’s fault and not Woodcroft’s?

Whatever. 5-1 baby. Mega Bowl tomorrow. HERE WE GOOOO!