The good, better, bad, and ugly about the Oilers “new” “retro” jersey

The Oilers released their third jersey for the 2017-18 season. Here are my takes:

The Good:

It’s iconically Oilers.

I was one of the many low-key hoping for a navy comeback. Not necessarily a navy version of our current design, which still would have been better than our current home monstrosities, but a throwback to the navy and copper era that a large majority of the fan base grew up watching. A little blast to the Dougie Weight past.

Fuck yes. Love me some Dougie Weight in the copper and blues. Those would have been so cool. Imagine Connor and his newly magnificent McFlow flying down the ice absolutely MINCING Mark Giordano while wearing these fuckers right here? God. However… we’re the Oilers. This could have easily been a diabolical train wreck of epic proportions. Just look at what we did last year with our highlighter orange abominations. The royal blues are Oilers. And it makes sense why we went back to them. It’s the clubs 40th anniversary, and these jerseys are what the majority of the hockey world recognize as Edmonton’s hockey club. They’re the Gretzky blue.

And yes, they’re also the Decade of Darkness blue. We watched a lot of home losses to 29 different teams in those tarps. I was present for most of the games. Doesn’t matter. These jerseys scream Oilers. We played it safe, and succeeded. Christ, look at Calgary. It’s 2018 and they’re still wearing their edge jerseys. Their entire fan base has been begging for permanent throwbacks and they’re still willingly electing to move forward with the concept that Reebok designed for them back in 2007. Meanwhile, our clean blue “retro” jerseys are making a comeback for the second time in eight years. Calgary’s stripes are still vertical. Idiots.

The Better:

Let me reiterate: they didn’t mess it up!!

There were an unprecedented amount of unequivocal disasters that could have unfolded with the release of this jersey. One trustworthy source (not Hank’s) said the Oilers were considering a concept that mimicked the Team North America style:

We have the easiest template in the world to make the ultimate jersey combination in the entire league and our creative team was still like, “but what if we did something CRAZY?!”

These jerseys will act as a much needed break from our extremely in-your-face nightmarishly orange concepts that Daryl’s club decided to market and sell last year. Navy, royal, who cares? I’m just happy that blue will be back on the ice in a month.

The Bad:

Why are you idiots calling it a “retro” jersey?

I know we wore these puppies in the 80s. They’re associated with the beginning of our Edmonton Oilers in the National Hockey League. But an entire generation just grew up with these jerseys being our primary home sweaters between 2010 and 2016. We wore them as an alternate in 2016-17. If Jesse goddamn Puljujarvi wore this jersey, it’s no longer a retro. If you re-released it in, say, 2028… sure, then call it a retro. Call it a throwback when you’re actually throwing it back to a period of time longer than 24 months ago. Even when we nail something we still manage to fuck that said thing right up.

Also, the 40th anniversary patch was sooooo close to being perfect. They had this amazing idea to include parts of our history and our dynasty into the concept. The Cups are there, and I love that. The retired numbers are there and that’s terrific. Well… they’re almost all there:

Excuse me with excluding number 3? Where’s my boy Al at? The Hamilton’s love ENS and I love the Hamilton’s, so I’,m not going to sit here and pretend it’s okay that Big Al’s number tres has been intentionally left off the anniversary patch. Big Al played for the Oilers in the NHL (31 games, 19 points in 79-80). His number is up there beside Wayne Gretzky and Garth Brooks. The logical answer for this blatant display of disrespect is that Daryl was never best buddies with the big guy back in the day, or whatever the fuck. #boysonthebus only ain’t that right, Daryl? Goddamn buffoon.

The Ugly:

FOUR times?! You’re only wearing the jersey FOUR times?! Think about that. This means we have to watch the meth-induced ORANGE CRUSH blind the elderly for 37 more games this year.

All signs point to this jersey making a one year comeback only: They’re calling it a retro despite the obvious fact that we wore it as recently as April, 2017, and they’re only wearing it four times. So Daryl is not only marketing a jersey that we will wear four times and then (probably) scrap from the history books for a record breaking third fucking time, but is also intentionally selling this “one-of-a-kind” jersey at full retail value knowing damn well that moronic shit heads like me will buy one with McDavid on it because he’s the best hockey player in the world and I’m a sucker for being irrationally idiotic. Daryl wins again. I can picture him, up in his gargantuan suite overlooking the Rog like a mother fucking dictator, laughing while he counts my money as Nathan MacKinnon and the Avs absolutely take it to us in the third. This is the same grossly rich human that bought out the last year of Eric “Big Earl” Gryba’s contract so he could save approximately $200,000. Join me next year when el Daryl releases another new jersey to make a bazillion dollars off of. Mansions in LA don’t pay for themselves, after all.

PS – For what it’s worth (nothing), I would have done something like this for our set:

Shoutout to “Scott D.” for designing something infinitely better than the people who are paid to actually do so. These are sex.


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