GDB Capitals (4-2-2) @ Oilers (3-3-1): Dwindling Optimism

^That’s been my mood all day. Pretty sure everyone already knows why.

Tonight is the perfect example of a game I really do not want to watch. I have important education-related shit to do. I’m last-minute prepping my Halloween costume because I procrastinated this booze holiday for the 11th consecutive year. Thursday Night Football is on. There are like four movies I want to see, and I could maybe ask one of the three girls I know to go see it with me. Maybe that date will spark a little fire? Who knows! Maybe it even leads to something more! Then maybe, someday, I will actually fulfill my parents’ dream of getting serious with a nice girl en route to finally settling down, instead of still spending every weekend getting lambasted at the Pint despite me being closer to 30 than 20. I haven’t mentioned the token reason for me not to watch; that is, this franchise constantly disappearing inside its own asshole for the better part of a decade. Point is, there are millions of reasons for me not to watch tonight, and I’ve been sitting here all day convincing myself not to watch, not to care, not to even think about the Oilers with the dump truck of extra shit unrelated to being a fan of this piss-awful organization.

I will watch anyways, because the Oilers are my fucking heroin.

After what I’d describe as a “not a bad loss but still a loss” loss against Pittsburgh, the Oilers look to rebound tonight against the Washington Capitals. In case you couldn’t already tell from my rather blunt opening monologue, I don’t really care. I’m going to watch tonight because if my eyes aren’t watching Connor McDavid when he’s on the ice I spasmodically hyperventilate. But I could actually care less right now, thanks almost entirely to the assholes in charge of our hockey club, all of whom took this once revered franchise and pushed it directly into a bottomless pit of shittery.

I saw Harrison Katz at the bar on Saturday and I forgot to ask him “what the fuck?”

Tonight’s Opponent

Washington Capitooohhh my God they finally did it:


Seriously, how?

Shit, no joke. How did you exorcise your demons, Washington? Can’t be voodoo, I’ve tried that. Can’t be trading one of your best players for a fucking PEZ dispenser, because you didn’t do that, only we did. So what’s your secret? I’m not even asking for a Stanley Cup, like the obstacle you guys were forced to overcome. I’m legit just asking for maybe two or three straight years in the playoffs.

Our Lineup

*takes deep breath*

*relaxes mind*

*relaxes body*

*punches hole through wall anyways*

I’m like not even overly angry. This was Todd’s wish all along. That dang European coming into our blue collar Edmonton without speaking barely any gosh darn English, thinking he can just parade on our concrete floors without EARNING HIS NHL STRIPES *spits out chew*. I hate that about us. You know we’re one of like there or four teams in the league that has this mindset about young, talented hockey players, right? You know all the teams that normally make the playoffs/are actually consistently good don’t force their top 10 picks to earn shit because “that’s the way our baby boomers did it in the old days” so “you need to WORK and HIT and GRIT and BE GOOD ON YOUR OWN without the help of others!” Fuck out of here with that. Be a coach, Todd. Be a coach ONE TIME. Like, god forbid Todd actually develops a young, offensively gifted player into the NHL star he could actually be. Instead, Todd packages Jesse to the minors for development daycare, handing him off like a second-hand shirt for someone else to make look presentable. And when Jesse goes down and succeeds, he is immediately brought back up into that checking line role where apparently a World Junior MVP and fourth overall pick needs to start before he can actually play in the role that you know, he’s comfortable in? Fuck you, Todd. I will steal your Christmas.

Yes, he’s played the last like 2.5 games with Leon. And yes, I am overly protective of my favourite human being. But this is bigger than my personal bias. This problem is a temporal loop that we cannot shed nor escape, and the problem is borderline mutually exclusive to Edmonton. I look around the league and see similar players excelling in their roles on their respective teams and I notice a trend of stunting the development of players in Edmonton — and it’s not just Jesse, because let’s face it, the development of Darnell Nurse and Oscar Klefbom and (keep going back) Nail Yakupov and Magnus Paajarvi and Sam Gagner and Andrew Cogliano, and even Leon Draisaitl to an extent — and the only constant is the organization, or at least the people involved within it. Hope you’re all PUMPED for Evan Bouchard/the player we inevitably draft in the top 10 this year. I’m sure things will be different this time around.

The fucked up/funny thing is the men responsible for starting this frightening trend all still have positions in the organization.

And of course we’re starting Cam again. Cam’s started 147 out of 171 games since the beginning of 2016, because Todd is allergic to giving Talbot some rest. That’s 86% of our team’s starts. He’s not Carey Price or Sergei Bobrovsky. So why do we play him as much — if not more — than two of the best goalies in hockey? I love Cam but oh my god, he needs his legs. Todd will play Cam until death or at least until the first one is tossed out of the City. I know it would suck a whole bunch if Cam goes before Todd. One guy is actually very good at his role when used properly. The other guy thinks Kris Russell is an every day top four because of his good Western Canadian attitude, or whatever the hell.

Washington’s Lineup

It’s better than ours.


Whatever. 3-2 Oilers.

Leave a Reply

Please Login to comment
Notify of