MAB: GIVE ME A HELL! GIVE ME A YAH! We’re going streaking, baby

My head hurts.

Pregame Introduction

Video?!

Stinks. Nine straight years of pretty much the same shit.

Bridge?!

Uncomfortably weird.

Once again, we nailed the start to a hockey game. And by nailed I mean we fucked the pooch. How did that translate into an arena atmosphere and a first 20 for the boys?

1st Period

Casually outshot 12-5 in the first frame. The Iceman was vintagely sensational.

0-0

2nd Period

*heart skips 98 beats*

Jesse takes a shot to the back (no call, because why call a blatant cross-check anyways?) and then Milan proceeds to step into one and hit Jesse directly in the back. I had a pretty good angle at this and let me tell you, it was horrifyingly close to the back of the head. The building gasped.

Anyways like I said there was no call and the line changed and the fourth line came out and then this happened:

The fourth line had their dicks kicked in by Boston all night long (all night). It was not limited to this shift. They were trash. Zack Kassian is a fragment of what he was two years ago. Kyle Brodziak has been getting steamrolled in his own end. Not good.

This, however, this is good:

Kailer Yamamoto’s first NHL goal and WHAT A PASS FROM *rubs eyes* ADAM LARSSON?! That puck took a trip right out of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey and found Kailer’s tape. Kailer then demonstrated some speed that, until that point, I really had no idea he possessed. Good for the kid. No more than 30 minutes before that I was considering whether Marody or Hebig or Benson would be a better fit up here than Yama right now. And like clockwork, I ate my words. Yama (by the eye test, haven’t checked into his numbers yet) appeared to have a better game. Was much more involved and actually noticeable in this one. Good for him.

1-1 (we crushed them at 5v5 this period):

Holy McJesus.

3rd Period

Today in: DID CONNOR DO THAT SHIT ON PURPOSE?!

CONNOR YOU BEAUTIFUL MUTANT *faints*

Pressure coming from his stick side, let’s go of what appears to be a short-side wide shot. But wait, the puck ricochets off the end boards and hits Nuge directly on the tape for a tap-in. How CONVENIENT?! If that were a lesser player, a subordinate one would say, who can’t make maniacal passes from anywhere I’d probably say the player just fired a prayer towards the net and got luckier than Pizza Trav at the roulette table. It was not a subordinate, however. It was the very much ordinate. It was Daddy. I’m making a team-ruled verdict and saying he did that shit intentionally. Connor forever.

The Bruins tied it. Whatever.

This shit:

The byproduct of having our best player out against Boston’s worst three players. Connor just un-fucking-dresses Brandon Carlo for fun, takes a slash en-route to the net, skates back to the bench Hey, Nordstrom, I love your store and I spend a repulsive amount on your clothes and shoes every couple months, but get your filthy goddamn fourth line mitts off my generational player or I swear on the Pint’s back bar I will never buy so much as another sweater from you again.

Chris Wagner, who I didn’t even know left the stupid ass Ducks, was mixing it up in there as well. That’s why we pay Lucic the BIG BUCKS though amiright fam? The Big Bear looked like he wanted to unleash a meteor shower of haymakers. That’s his wheelhouse. Loved Strome immediately getting involved in that skirmish too. Nobody pushes Connor, especially not some asshole named Joakim.

Anyways the Iceman stood on his head for the final seven minutes and got us the guaranteed two points. I say guaranteed because apart from maybe me decimating the Pint’s Sambuca stash on a Saturday there’s absolutely nothing more guaranteed than Connor and Leon in overtime. You give them anything even remotely resembling a chance and they will bury you. Watch:

Overtime

“Oh I’m Brad Marchand I lick people I have a big fucking nose I’m just going to throw a stretch pass up the middle of the ice against the greatest mutant to ever step foot on Earth oh shit he easily intercepted that let me just go try to take the puck away from him AH I’M DEAD!!”

LIVE LOOK AT BRAD, BABY!

Tough shift for such a nice and well-respected player. Very tough, indeed. Almost as tough as watching Trevor Bauer throw a 2 and 2/3rd eight hit six run bloodbath.

Three’s a streak let’s GO BABY LET’S GOOOOOOO!

3-2 Oilers (OT)

Thoughts

BOOM WOOOO!!

Oh we doing that winning streak dancing. BEND IT, BERNIE. BEND IT LIKE YOU AS DEAD AS MARCHAND!

Not a tremendously great game by the fellas but I blame that unfathomably boring video they dumped on ice prior to puck for the lack of energy, and the good news is the Iceman kept us in it long enough to allow Connor to eventually murder the Bruins.

Suck it, Boston. You idiots hahahaha nice loss go be dumb and Irish and stupid fuck wait nobody actually cared:

The goddamn Red Sox. Imagine having more than one internationally recognized franchise in your city? So, like, if your one team fails you at least have the others to lean on? I only have that kind of forced regional-relationship with the Oilers, therefore I willingly decided to become a Colts and Raptors and Braves fan. Think about that. I’m going to punish the Pint this weekend.

Go ESKIMOS baby big game tonight three downs 55 yard line big end zones big old balls. Actually a huge game tonight. This is the playoffs right here. Lose and you’re done. Win and you stay alive, like the Bee Gees. Three downs.

Our PK actually did very well. That’s a tough power play to shutdown and they did that. Good for them.

 

Lost in all the excitement was this devastating news out of Toronto:

Oh no!!!

Gosh DARNIT no! Breaks my heart, man!

One more shot of that OT goal because I had my phone out tryin’ to hit them angles:

And one more in slow motion because just look at the fucking crowd!

“You better watch out… you better not cry… you better not say shit again because I’m telling your sorry ass why: King Connor’s coming to take his crown…”

He’s on pace for 180 points at the moment. Nashville will be tough on Saturday (tied for the second lowest GA/game in the league) but Connor looks very possessed right now. And did we ever stop to think maybe Nashville has the second lowest GA/g because they haven’t faced Connor yet? I mean, Jersey has to lowest at the moment and Connor still coasted to a casual two against those imbeciles. They’re only the second lowest? Woof. Scared to see what happens to (former ENS overpaid super star) Teeps’ Preds.

Suck my ass, Teeps.

Is this good?

Daddy McDaddy in the same category as a couple of last names on banners right beside Garth Brooks? Could be alright.

This is not good:

Look, I’m not saying Jesse played great, because he surely did not. But Leon’s been abysmal at 5v5. I thought maybe having Jesse up there would help Leon’s possession game. I thought wrong. Even I’m cognizant enough to say that Jesse got fucked last night, not the other way around. He’ll be fine. With Rattie going down and being questionable for tomorrow there’ll still be an opportunity in the top six. He’ll bounce back. Jesse forever.

Speaking of Rattie, here’s your update:

That was by far Yama’s best game in the NHL.

Our fourth line is a dumpster fire.

On the other end of the spectrum, the Connor McNugent-Hopkins Express continues to power through opposing teams. That’s seven in five for Nuge.

Finally, that video is an absolute travesty. Time is a flat circle with the idiots in charge of igniting a fire inside the Rog Mahal. Unquestionably the worst in the league at entertainment. This year’s edition features yet another never-ending deep-voice monologue that you hope and pray will segue into something that raises the heart rate even slightly above zero beats per minute, but never does – all this while the beat of some instrumental opera chords play lullabyingly in the background. A few shots of hockey, many of them coming from the team in practice, because what the fuck is more exciting than the team running Todd’s drills against no competition. But still,m the visuals are mostly just a pickup truck driving in what appears to be the middle of nowhere, because Alberta. There’s a little bit of something resembling rock music, but it was so quiet in the building it almost sounded as if they tried playing someone’s iPhone into the speakers over the video because they recognized the 1,300 or so people actually in their seats were yawning at the audio power point presentation on display before the start of a fucking hockey game. Every year. EVERY SINGLE YEAR. What’s it going to take to get three minutes of Connor SLICING his way through opposing defensemen to the tune of some Metallica? I’d settle for Nickelback if it meant cranking anything other than the most more instruments known to humanity before the boys step foot on the ice. You unbelievable idiots.

Hottest Take of the Night

The Game as a Song

Has to be Rev Theory – “Hell Yeah”

Little Blue Mountain State theme song for our goals?! Sure. Absolutely. Almost made up for the pathetic pregame video. This was more than a pleasant surprise. Only recommendation I have is they blast that fucker a little louder. Acoustics were not great in the barn last night. Let’er rip, boys.

Bonus Thoughts

Six points in five games for Draisaitl and he’s been nothing short of fucking awful. Imagine he actually gets going? We kind of need it. Can’t keep watching Connor beat other teams by himself with Nuge riding shotgun and Cam standing on his Ice head. Getting contributions in the unexpected form of Kailer Yamamoto and Adam Larsson (I still can’t even believe it, wow) are helpful and encouraging. Need more of it.

Also need to fix those starts. That video did not help at all, and I’m being real here, but I can’t blame their pathetic attempt at eliciting energy when the team is on the road. by my calculation, that’s five bad starts in five straight games. This needs to be addressed.

But I’m going to take that win, and I’m going to lay back tonight and enjoy an adult beverage or six as the Raptors take on the Celtics in what surely will be a preview of the disappointment I will inevitably feel in May. Let’s go, baby.

PS – Sorry, dog:

I never made good on my guy Blaine’s request, and I’ve been hating myself for that all morning. So Saturday, if you’re at the game, I will meet up before, during, or after to throw a couple back and talk about the Oil. I owe my guy Blaine, but this offer goes to anyone who wants to. Love throwing back and talking about the Oilers with Oil fans. Love it. Let’s go, baby.

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