MAB: The accountables combine for zero points, two penalties as Oilers fall to elderly Wild

As the old ass members of Post Media, Oilers Radio, and the only voice that matters on our coaching staff would say: It’s time for players to BE ACCOUNTABLE!!!!

Ohhh you better believe I’mma be closely listening to Todd’s words over the next 24 hours.

1st Period

Leon got things started on a goal that came just seconds after the power play:

That’s another point for Nuge, who now has 13 points in his last nine games. That’s Leon’s seventh of the year, baby. The  Deutschland Dangler is back.

As of the end of the game, Connor (18), Nuge (13) and Leon (13) are all over a point per game. The last time we had more than one point-per-game player in a single season? 1991-92, when Vincent Damphousse (89) and Joe Murphy (82) did it in 80 games each. That was 27 years ago.

Anyways Minnesota tied it before the end of the first.

Power play goal by Zach Parise after Jason Garrison, despite controlling the puck with relatively no pressure along the boards, failed to clear the zone. All he had to do was fire it down the ice. Also, what the hell was that defensive scheme in front of our net. Scrambling worse than Dak Prescott in the fourth quarter.

1-1.

PP: 0/2

PK: 0/1

2nd Period

Alright. It’s boner time:

Jesus fucking CHRIST he’s so good. He’s so goddamn good. That’s why we can’t be content with just making the playoffs, man. The evidence is right there. EVERY OTHER PLAYER IN THE SHOW (and I’m not exaggerating, I actually mean every single other player) is absolutely gassed at the 80 second mark of a shift. Connor just casually picks up the puck and proceeds to STORM by one a legit top five defenseman in hockey. And speaking of, let’s quickly check on Ryan Suter:

Like, that’s abnormally fucked. You’re telling me that we have a player who can do THAT and we’re kind of just hoping for a playoff spot, instead of expecting it/thinking we have a shot at being the best team in the league? Get the hell out of here. GIVE ME THE CELLY:

*faints*

I swear I had an out of body experience watching that, I shit you not. It’s fucking euphoric to watch Connor punch the glass after catapulting a defenseman into the Bermuda Triangle.

Jared Spurgeon, good Edmonton kid, tied it up about eight minutes after. Let’s see what happened:

Textbook defensive play!

Todd, as Drake gets back to the bench, in a dumbass puppy dog voice: Who missed their man?! Who missed covering their man?! Who’s still a good boy and will get put on the first line anyways?!? Is it you? Yes! You’s a good boy!!

Holy fuck. Also Jason Garrison, again, on the ice for a goal against. As long as we keep having him, he will keep playing. I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say he might be the worst defenseman right now in the NHL. And he’s all ours, baby.

Anyways, the tie didn’t last long because we unleashed our secret weapon:

Alex “Auston” Chiasson now has four goals in six games and is now successfully shooting at… *checks notes* 66.7% on the year! You see an incoming regression nuke and I say blah, he’s efficient as fuck.

Okay, so that’s CLEARLY going to regress but Chiasson’s four goals and no goddamn assists in six games has him tied for seventh (!!) in team scoring, just one point behind FOURTH (!!!!!!!!):

I mean… woof. Now that we’re good and depressed again, let’s see what else happened:

Eric Staal got Minnesota’s second power play goal of the game off a deflection on a play where four players were gravitationally pulled in front of Talbot:

That point shot was Caggiula’s cover. So, for those keeping score at home, he’s been on the ice for two of the three goals now. I think he tried to take the pass away by skating into the lane, but all it did was open up a shot to the net, where (again) four bodies prevented Cam from seeing the shot.

But this is Edmonton:

So it’s always the goalie’s fault, even if the puck is deflected through a four person screen.

3-3

PP: 0-2

PK: 0-1

3rd Period

And now let’s finish it:

Some people thought this was a bad call. This was clearly interference. Nino was b-lining it to the net and all Drake had to do was maintain positioning or intercept the pass that went directly through his feet. Instead he used his shoulder to push Niederreiter into the net. Which, of course, segued into this fuckery:

I mean, that shot had about 2×2 inches of room. I don’t chastise goalies for “going down” because this isn’t the fucking 60s and goalies are more mobile when they’re on their knees. It’s pretty logical stuff but some people around these parts still think the butterfly is MEH and that all goalies should be like Terry Sawchuk. What Granlund did notice was that Cam had anticipated either a quick release or a cross-ice pass, and therefore started his descent a little sooner than usual. What Cam didn’t anticiapte was one of the nastiest shots I’ve witnessed all year. Very few players can shoot the puck like that. The water bottle is fastened to the back of the net and I’m still pretty sure it moved. And yep, Drake wasn’t on the ice for that one because he was in the penalty box. Neither was Garrison. For some reason, Kris Russell was on his knee:

Fuck.

4-3 Wild

PP (total): 0-5

PK (total): 0-3

Thoughts

UGH that ending sucked let’s watch Connor celly again:

Let’s quickly check in and see all our media belittling 91/18/27 for accountability like they’ve always done for my boy:

*there’s nothing*

If JP had the game Caggiula just had he’d be in the press box for an entire lunar cycle. I honestly wouldn’t be shocked if Drake’s back up with Connor and Nuge next game because that’s exactly the type of piss water Todd typically serves.

UPDATE: LMAO I WROTE THAT LAST NIGHT WHAT’D I TELL YA:

If this is serious then I don’t even fucking really know. This can’t be real. Chiasson can’t seriously be out for anything other than maybe an injury, right? Because if Drake is rewared for that dumbass penalty with first line minuets while the guy who’s fourth on our team in points per game sits then Todd should be fired before sundown.

Maybe not though?:

Would be interesting to see who comes out when Rattie returns. Khaira’s been trash, Caggiula is Drake, Strome might never score, and I forgot Brodziak is on the team. It’ll still end up being Jesse.

Also of course JP is taking reps with the boat anchor and the guy who, despite averaging over 14 minutes per night, had zero points in an entire month of hockey. EARN YOUR ACCOUNTABILITY BY PLAYING WITH THIS!

This reminds me of that episode of South Park where that Brady kid becomes Butters’ accountability buddy. Here you go, Jesse, your accountability buddies are a human bulldozer and the guy who, despite averaging over 14 minutes per night, had zero points in an entire month of hockey. If you don’t feel bad for JP now then I don’t know what to say other than maybe you’re listening to the wrong people. This is blatant favouritism.

This is ugly… here are all the forwards in the entire league who play a minimum of 14 minutes per night and have played over nine games, sorted by lowest points:

There’s “snake-bitten”… (according to Gregor):

And then there’s just not being productive at all. Even his goddamn brother has two points. At the end of the day, we’re 1/8th of the way into the season and Strome doesn’t have a point. FWIW: Strome has one goal and three points in his last 27 games, dating back to last year, and only has points in 25 of 92 career games as an Oiler. Seems rather systemic, opposed to being snake-bitten, don’t you think?

Me, on a Sunday morning after the Pint, looking myself in the mirror after noticing I don’t have any money again:

There is absolutely no logical reason to have Lucic on the ice in any 5v4 of 6v5 situation anymore. He, who has two goals and 10 points in 57 consecutive games, who is shooting the puck with the accuracy of a March Madness bracket, and whose pass receiving looks like the Kool-Aid Man trying to lay down a bunt:

Here are some facts about who typically plays well with Connor McDavid:

(notice how we can’t use stats from 15-16 because five of the seven players on that list didn’t play for us back then, plus Drai and Nuge never really played with Connor that year)

These stats tell me a few things:

  1. Lucic with Connor is bafflingly good
  2. These stats are only 5v5, therefore I’d guess a bulk of his positive numbers are influenced by the 2016-17, when Connor scorched the league and Looch didn’t look like he was skating in wet cement.
  3. It’s funny that Lucic was incapable of contributing points while playing with McDavid but, on the other hand, he clearly did not prevent Connor from entering mutant mode on a regular basis, so Connor can clearly put up big numbers even with that plutonium boat anchor strapped to his wing.
  4. So, Looch has been a $42 million pain in the central nervous system but at least his presence on line one hasn’t prevented a little 5v5 McMagic, though the current circumstances might warrant a negative outcome given the present day level of play, which murders the flow of the offense roughly 100 per cent of the time.
  5. Though Jesse and Connor don’t necessarily have terrific production together, shots are fired on a regular basis when they’re paired up AND likewise, they’re not getting scorched in the defensive end, which sounds impossible, because all the old white men in Edmonton tell us that Jesse doesn’t have the hockey IQ to be a responsible defensive player.
  6. It’s almost as if Jim Matheson and Dave Staples and Mark Spector and that blabbering imbecile John Shannon and our deranged head coach don’t really investigate statistics or something?
  7. Drake Caggiula shuts down Connor McDavid better than any player in the league.

And here is Milan trying carry the puck up the ice:

I mean… come on. It’d be one thing if this bad play was an isolated bad play, but Milan had multiple chances to bury in or near the slot, and I think he hit the net like maybe once. This problem is systemic, and I can’t help but feel as though he’s getting the ice time (he’s played under 15 minutes just once this year) because of AND ONLY BECAUSE OF his contract. It’s like Chia and Friggin’ Todd mutually understand that any sort of diminished role (ex: a PP2 demotion, or never allowing him on the fucking ice trailing by a goal with under two minutes left like any rationally intelligent adult would do) would look terrible given the five years and $30-goddamn-million remaining on his impervious contract. Because if you are always on the first power play unit with Connor McDavid literally two-five times per night and you’ve only managed two goals in 57 games, and you continue to receive those minutes despite this unprecedented lack of productivity then the only excuse I can think of for his continued role in important minutes would be a feeble attempt to justify a hideous contract.

He had a wide open chance from the shot and he fired the puck to the SkyLounge.

Drai’s looking like he had secks with a teammate’s sister again:

And speaking of sex, I’d like to congratulate Blue for having it:

Oilers Twitter behaved as expected.

He’s tied for fourth on the team in points.

So close to four straight. Calgary won again (Buffalo, whatever) so we’re currently out of a playoff spot at the moment. But we’re used to being here anyways so joke’s on those guys above us.

“I Think This is a Real Question” Take of the Night

Back at it tomorrow against the Hawks.


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