1-0 in Europe: Oilers steal one from unreal Hale crowd

Ayeeee we pulled it off! Just like in the 2017 playoffs, the Oilers beat the Sharks. Wasn’t worried for even a second. The boys absolutely coasted for the first 60 minutes before giving Cologne and the entire Federal Republic of Germany not a single ounce of hope in overtime. The Sharks never touched the puck in OT.

For the first time since Messier left, the Oilers went into the game as the Goliath against someone’s David. I’m kind of going on a limb here but I’d be willing to bet this is how 20-29 other teams felt when they played us during the Decade of Darkness. Fitting that the extreme underdogs also featured DoD legends like Ryan Jones and Stevey Pinizzotto and goddamn Corey Potter.

1st Period

And the first goal of the game was a from a German, assisted by another German:

Of course it was. That’s exactly how it should have been. A very bad shift by Morgan Ellis lead to Leon feeding Toby and the Oilers opened the scoring!

Good for the boys.

1-0 Oilers

2nd Period

Oh no!

I’m going to give Milan the benefit of the doubt and say he was just out there for fun and wasn’t really worried about making smart and effective hockey decisions because what the actual fuck was he doing there? Just going for a coast? Applied the opposite of pressure on the puck carrier and bam, it’s in. Related: What on Earth was that defensive zone pinch, Oscar Klefbom? Ex Flames bum Ben Hanowski with the one-touch assist into the slot. Goddammit, Hanowski.

Anyways Lucic made up for it like almost right after that:

When Milan signed his infinity year eleventy billion dollar impregnable contract back in 2016, that’s what many thought would happen a lot. Little two on one give and go with Connor and it’s in the net. Turns out that almost never happens but oh.

That was a power play. We had an odd man rush like that because Ryan Jones had a breakaway, because of course he did. Nice to see Ryan Jones still getting breakaways in 2018.

Anyways he didn’t score and we did.

2-1 Oilers

3rd Period


Just sort of slid it by Koskinen. Not great. Literally 20 seconds later:

What a pass by Darnell Bridge Deal. On the big ice too so that was cross-province and he still put it right on Rattie’s tape. Rattie’s having a terrific preseason. We all know it. Half of Edmonton drafted him in the top five rounds of their fantasy drafts. That’s why everyone simultaneously panicked when Todd, during a painful interview with John Shannon at the first intermission, admitted he’d be open to adjusting the first line if other lines are struggling. You all know Leon will be up there after he proves incapable of carrying the boat anchor. If the first line is 29-97-91 at any point this season… seriously, don’t you dare, Todd. You wouldn’t. I will steal your Christmas.

HANOWSKI! *smashes fist on desk*

Of course Ryan Jones picked up an assist on that one. Nice to see the curse and North America are not mutually exclusive. Not the best defensive play by Yamamoto. Whatever.


Game Over

I’m not calling it overtime anymore. It’s actually over for teams that have to face the Oilers at 3-on-3. It’s unfair. I’d be more than okay with forcing 82 games into the game over period. We’d never lose. The crowd was on their feet making chaotic noise and it just never really mattered. Ryan Strome (!!!) scored a goal.

Connor played keep away for like 20-30 seconds before one-handing the puck back to Bear who instinctively hit a wide-open Ryan Strome, who then deflected the puck by ~goalie~ and into the net.

This Cinderella story was not meant to be. No Leicester City here. This was Friday Night Lights. Big point for the Sharks, though.

4-3, final.


Four game winning streak heading into the regular season? Okay. Sure! Keep the winning streak dance going!!


I see you, Gritty.

I wish to God we had crowds like that in the NHL. That was electric. Well done, Cologne. Seriously. Well done. Shout out to the Oilers fans who made the trip. I saw ya’ll. I got your videos. I got your snaps. I love each and every one of you. Have a couple pops for us slugs back home.

I mean… seriously, that crowd. Wow. There’s nothing like that here. Here is vanilla. Even the 19 teams that draw decent crowds can’t get an arena environment like that because the die hard hooligans are priced out of the building and everybody sitting below the fucking thermosphere are suits who would rather check their emails than contribute to what otherwise could have beed a terrifically ruckus ambience. That one old dipshit wanted the Oilers to change their goal horn to “trombones and trumpets and maybe tubas” because, verbatim: “the current testeronic assault on our aural sense is excruciatingly intolerable.” You HUGE idiot.

Nobody say, “But Winnipeg!” I won’t have it. I refuse to hear it. Winnipeg sucks.

Ottawa may never see a crowd like that again real talk. At least Arizona is basically a landing strip for opposing fans. What kind of intellectual human would willingly take a trip to Ottawa to go watch his or her team? Hockey’s Miami Marlins. “They’re a team!”


I, once again, loved Kailer on the left wing. He primarily played on that side with Strome and Jesse today and I thought that line clicked pretty well. It should only be a matter of time before Kailer and Jesse are playing on Leon’s wings, or at least you’d think. Todd and his utter perpetual pettiness towards big Europeans who have bazooka shots and shoot right still appears to exist. Jesse may never see the first unit power play despite being a right handed shot (which, well-documentedly, does not exist on the first unit at the moment) and being a player who loves to shoot the puck. If that sounds like a bonus to a unit desperately looking to improve it’s because it is. But why would Todd try that when you can stick every left handed shot in the organization on the same power play? No teams do that, so naturally we should! If not Jesse then at least get the Bear up there and shift Klefbom down to unit two.

I hate it but also whatever. Connor with 150.

Prediction for Sweden:

93 – 97 – 8
27 – 29 – 56
16 – 18 – 98
44 – 28 – 22

77 – 6
83 – 25
75 – 7

That last pair gives me the hives. Do not let Hall out there against them. I repeat.

Drake Caggiula is getting traded I can feel it in my plums.

Think about it. The team signed Chiasson, giving them 14 forwards at the moment. Russell won’t be on IR for very long and we think (we hope*) that Bouchard will be returned to London after a very brief audition, keeping Bear up here as the six and forcing Garrison into the seven spot. But you’d think Boosh will get a fair and educational look in the big leagues, at least. So carrying that many players makes no sense. Bear might get sent down for a quick stint, sure, but it still leaves us with 14 forwards. 14-7-2 = 23, yes, but what if Bear stays? Is there a deal in place for one of Kassian and/or hopefully maybe Drake Caggiula? Perhappppsss.

That’d seriously be great and I’d party.

Cooper Marody could be a much better role forward than Caggiula anyways. I dig that.

Man, Steve Pinnizotto actually had six points in 24 games with the Oilers. To be completely honest, I thought he played way more than 24 games for the fellas. Those were seriously dark years.

Holy burn:

The Sharks tweet translates to: “You will never be a German champion! *laughing face* *sideways laughing face* *laughing face* then this guy Aaron comes from out of absolutely fucking nowhere to murder the Sharks:

Thoughts and so many prayers.

Speaking of murder… OH. MY. GOD!!:

*Gets radio call* oh, and I just got word we’re going live to the Vancouver Canucks dressing room for a reaction from Canucks faux captain, Bo Horvat:

The Canucks season is already over. They’re dead. I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them. You can’t play after that. Cause of death: a central division (!!!) player. That comment didn’t even come from a division rival. It didn’t come from William Karlsson, or Drew Doughty, or Mike Smith, or that imbecile Logan Couture, or that raging idiot Ryan Kesler. It came from the fucking clouds all the way over in Winnipeg! WINNIPEG!!! Home of the Rum Hut! They didn’t even have a team eight years ago and they just murdered the Canucks. RIP, Vancouver. You never did win that first Cup…

First game is SATURDAY! It’s finally here!!! Hockey’s back baby!!