GDB Oilers (8-4-1) @ Capitals (5-4-3): Throne Watch is active

I’m still recovering from my weekend-long celebration of the Edmonton Oilers being four games above five-hundo — something that has only happened in one other season since 2012. So, bear with me while I attempt to dissect and analyze this shit.

Basically, the most important thing you need to know tonight is the following:

Pheonix Copley is a terrible goalie. On top of spelling his name like a humongous asshole, 26-year-old rocks a career 3.81 goals against average and an accompanying 0.867 save percentage. His job is literally just to stop pucks and he can’t do that. This man’s GAA last season in the American League was 2.91. If Mike Smith and Ondrej Pavelec adopted and coached a child, Pheonix Copley would be the result. What I’m saying is:

I know we adjusted them clocks on Sunday but you’re gonna have to adjust them again, because it’s Connor Time in DC, and he wants his Throne back. Throne Watch is OFFICIALLY ON. Let’s go, baby.

Tonight’s Opponent

The team that let Chris Kyle Alex Chiasson walk FOR NOTHING.

“Lighting the world on fire!”

Agreed, Isabelle:

Can’t argue with facts, hate to say it.

Our Lineup

Couldn’t find anything official but I imagine it’ll be the same as Detroit, with the exception of maybe Rattie sliding back in for JP? I say JP because, currently speaking, Drake Caggiula only wants me to eat crow between now and the next solar eclipse.

This is awesome:

It’s absolutely not a coincidence that Julio Jones scored his first touchdown in 343 days when Connor McDavid was present. Also I would have paid unlimited amounts of dollars to see Jesse Puljujarvi at an NFL game. Just a big, dumb smile on his face as he dreams about sweet nothings, bored out of his mind after another 9+ minute Alex Smith drive ended with a punt. I bet he dummied the concessions at FedEx Field.

The team is coming together and nobody can stop us except maybe Todd or Peter.

Also, remember when the power play was clicking and Todd puffed out his chest and took all the credit despite like fucking 50% of the goals coming as a result of McDavid flying up the ice and thus having literally nothing to do with his bullshittingly ridiculous five left shot system? Well:

Legit, the best PP1 set up we’ve had all year came against Detroit, on the delayed penalty, so not even on an actual power play, when Chiasson (right handed) stepped on as the extra attacker and got in position to quickly release the incoming McPass. You know, like, where normal teams have a good right handed shot stationed for one timers? We’re 8-4-1 but that doesn’t excuse the fact that our coach is a narrow-mindedly one-dimensional mouth-breathing sack of mashed potatoes.

And so help me God if Milan Lucic successfully murders another PP1 tonight because right now I need McPoints like a tiger needs ungulate prey.

Their Lineup

Tom Wilson is still suspended for being an idiotic idiot so we don’t have to worry about anyone having their skulls removed tonight, but on the subject of losing body parts, unfortunately Brooks Oprik is also out with some day-to-day stuff which means we can’t watch Connor v. Orpik in a match up that would surely end catastrophically for the Orpik household. I think Madison Bowey will play in Orpik’s spot, and he is fucking terrible. Because I said this, Madison Bowey will score his first career goal tonight. Likewise, because I tore apart Pheonix Copley in the opening monologue I fully expect him to play the game of his career, despite his stats making him look like the NHL’s Nathan Peterman.

Copley has one career win. It was against Calgary.

Anything Else?

Team’s getting better:

Although…

Four more years.

That’s actually not great and it’s incredibly concerning. It’s certainly not hard to see where the offense is dying, especially with the man advantage. This problem has been systemic for the entire calendar year. And yes, I am taking this running shot at Milan with the hopes that he goes full Caggiula on me tonight. That’d be awesome. God I wish.

Prediction

He probably goes full Caggiula on me tonight. But I’m in the business of making logical and rational predictions. So, Oilers win 8-2. Connor gets five points with his first hatty of the year. We’re coming for you, Mikko Rantanen.


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