MAB: The Cock’s men are rolling, that’s 7 wins in 8 games

Loved this girl. From Denver and her favorite player is the Edmonton Oilers second best forward. I’m engulfed with hope for the future of this franchise being adored by fans everywhere. Leon is a big fan of inhaling beers. Suck my ass, Ference.

1st Period

We survived an early onslaught, thanks entirely to the only Mikko that matters in this blog. Colorado just absolutely peppered Koskinen for the first 10 minutes, but then we received a power play. That power play did nothing.

Kyle Brodziak, though:

That’s Brodziak’s third goal of the year, tying James Neal for 294th in the league. He’s only one goal back of elite centre Sam Bennett. You hate to see it.

Goddamn that was a nice play by Darnell, too (trade him in a package for Parayko).

1-0 Oilers, looked like an otherwise quiet night until…

2nd Period

OH MY GOD GOAL EXPLOSIONS!!

NUGE FROM THE GODDAMN MUTANT LET’S GO BABY look at this pass holy shit:

Through Chiasson’s legs over to Tapetown, USA and BOOM! Connor has numero 42 in the bank, moving him into solo fourth. That’s RNH’s third goal in his last four games. And he wasn’t done:

Nice goal on a nice shot by Nuge, of course, but what a play by *rubs eyes* LOOCH?! Tyson Barrie Jultzed the bejesus out of the play and Milan capitalized, then found the trailing Nuge, put it on his stick, and the man who should be an Oiler forever capitalized with his fourth in four games. He’s got 10 on the year now and is quietly on pace for like a 75 point season. SHAME ON YOU if you were one of the many who wanted him traded after the playoffs.

Not done. If you thought that previous McDavid pass was ecstasy, look at this erotic display of hockey:

HOLY “BLUE LINE TO BLUE LINE BACKHAND HITTING CONNOR ON THE FLY” BATMAN!!! Literally moments before Leon started dusting off the Avalanche with a fucking Swiffer, I said this:

You’re all welcome. After he butchered that 3 on 1 and then spent the next two shifts getting hemmed in his own zone I thought, “Man, it’s time to jinx the hell out of his pitiful performance.” So I did it and I ignited a fire in his German arse and he was probably one of the four main reasons why we won this game. Let’s keep it going, shall we?

At this point, I was trying to balance the start of the Raptors game with the chaotic displays of events taking place in Denver. I missed the Avs first goal but it doesn’t even matter because guess what?

That little girl got to see a casual two-point performance from her favourite player. Always nice to see that. Very heart-warming. So is kicking the boogers out of Colorado after 40 minutes.

5-1 (!!!!) Oilers

3rd Period

They scored again. Whatever because:

Darnell with a power play missile off the feed from Nuge (Nuge now has 12 power play points this year… he had nine all of last year).

Colorado made it interesting but it doesn’t even matter.  Connor with two. Leon with three. Nuge with three. Let’s GO baby!

6-4 Oilers, final

Thoughts

Seven wins in our last eight games, our first four-game winning streak since literally one year ago, and I’m dancing into the ‘thoughts’ portion like:

Oops, I used a nightclub GIF there. I hope Andrew Ference doesn’t read this.


Goaltending has been electric under the almighty Cock.  8-2-1 since hiring Hitch. And we’re a little banged up, too. My boy Kenny has the guys GOING. Speaking of, on Friday I’m going to my first game since that Saturday night debacle against Nashville. I need to see the Cocksmen in action.

On a less fun note, this kind of sucks:

If it’s a finger-related issue then it shouldn’t be too bad. Couple weeks on the IR and he’ll be back. The world is not yet ending. I guess Wideman or Garrison will draw back in for the time being. I’ll be honest, I kind of already forgot about them both.

Hahaha Mikko Rantanen actually had four points are you KIDDING me?! The guy was absolutely invisible for 40 and then gets three garbage points in the third. Piss in my eyes.

Whatever. Everybody knows the chase is better anyway. Nine back with 51 games to play? Just as Kucherov what that lead with this much time left actually means. He will sit on His throne. 

Mikko Rantanen has 39 assists in 31 games, though. Jesus that’s cerebral.

When she says she doesn’t like the Pint’s back bar:

Connor has accumulated eight goals and 17 points in 10 games against the Avs. He’s their Daddy now too.

Calgary like two days ago goes “Oh Hitchcock he’s so boring the Oilers are stinky oh they can’t beat our FLAMES without being boring” you moronic turbo idiots, we just dumped six on Colorado. Bullied Minnesota for seven just a couple days ago, too. Now we’re four points behind YOU for first in the west. I wished we played those insufferable bags of molding cow milk more than two more times this year. Nice fucking arena.

Highlight of the night

Was it Leon’s secksy little dish on Connor’s tape? Nope. Was it Mikko’s over-exaggeratedly awesome save? It was not. Was it good St. Albert kid Matty Benning’s kerfuffle then post-kerfuffle antics in the penalty box? Nah.

The highlight of the night came from the Panthers/Blues game, where my Christmas present two weeks early after Robert Bortuzzo’s clearing attempt went into the net after it perfectly smoked Tim Peel in the balls and dick:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *deep breath* ahhhhhhhhhhhh HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA suck it so much, Tim.

The league does not allow those types of goals but it’s only fitting that Tim – the league’s most heinous piece of dried-out cat shit of a referee – took that frozen rubber to the acorns AND THEN, after finally re-discovering his breath, disallowed the goal because of it. Of course! OF COURSE this happened to Tim Peel!! Let’s see it from another angle because obviously, I’m never going to stop watching this play:

I’ve been non-stop belly-laughing at Timbo Slice being LAUNCHED into the boards after that sack-ricochet. Now do Francois St. Laurent next, Hockey Gods!! I’ll almost feel better about game five in Anaheim once that egregious butt-fister takes a puck off the groin hose. Tim Peel now has as many goals as Milan Lucic this year.

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