GDB: An unpleasant reminder of when trades go horribly, horribly wrong

bUt ThE tRaDe WaS a CaP dUmP OKAY, idiots. We’re tied for 29th, have no goddamn cap space, and also now don’t have a winger who can score. Our best actual winger on the team was here on a PTO. I hate to beat the sunken cargo ship that is Milan Lucic, but since his mini stretch of points (six points in 10 games), he’s gone pointless in his last seven. In those seven games, he has six shots. We replaced good wingers with bad wingers and our blue line is still the worst in the NHL. Brain mush fans actually had the audacity to say that we didn’t want to draft Barzal because we had TOO MUCH skill.

Our fourth highest scoring forward is tied for 195th in NHL scoring. Kind of ironically, Alex Chiasson has the same amount of points as Jordan Eberle. This summer, Jordan will be a free agent. That would be a perfect example of a player our team should buy low on and bring back, given his already established chemistry with a few of our forwards plus his overall pedigree with the fans and the city. We know Ebs can perform with the Oilers. We know Ebs can play with Nuge and Connor. And chances are we’ll be able to sign him for much cheaper than the original contract we gave him. CAP SPACE! Let’s make Wanye happy again.

Let’s go.

Tonight’s Opponent

Our trading kryptonite. Above, I talked about the Jordan Eberle trade. Haven’t even mentioned the Reinhart trade yet. The Islanders acquired a first round pick (Barzal), another pick (Beauvillier) and Jordan Eberle (career 0.73 points per game) and we have Sam Gagner to show for it. The trade was essentially two picks and a bonafide top six forward for a player we drafted in 2007.

Our Lineup

Good news: Connor’s back!

Bad news: The rest of the lineup is still here!

My hope?:

Draisaitl – McDavid – Kassian
Rattie – RNH – Chiasson
Lucic – Gagner – Chiasson
Rieder – Brodziak – Currie

Klefbom – Larsson
Nurse – Russell
Sekera – Gravel


I say Koskinen because he has already been confirmed as the starter. I hoped that Stolarz would get the nod but hell, whatever. You know damn well Colby Cave will play (nothing memorable in 10 games) because A) he played in overtime on Tuesday, which is fucking absurd, and B) because Matty and the rest of the nitwits are doing major media boners over a guy who might as well be a myth.

Hard-working! Character! No points! Colby Cave is quietly becoming Matt Hendricks without any of the marginally tangible Matty Icery: A media sweetheart who really doesn’t provide any sort of quantifiable on-ice positivity but dammit, he tries. And I’m not knocking Cave as a person. I’m sure he’s an awesome dude, like Matty Ice was. But holy unicorn shit. Jim Matheson and that industrial-sized butthead John Shannon have no problem carving any player with an ounce of skill and yet will stand on a mountaintop and praise the gods for any player who finished a check once.

I can’t wait to see what we dress tonight. For real. I truly believe that’s the lineup which gives us the best opportunity to win. They will not do that. Malone will somehow play too. Malone is another mystery. Can someone tell me one play he’s made?

Their Lineup

They played and lost to the Flames last night (so much fuck) so we won’t really know their lineup until puck drop either but they look something like this:

Kuhnhackl – Barzal – Bailey
Lee – Nelson – Eberle
Beauvillier – Filppula – Komarov
Martin – Cizikas – Clutterbuck

Leddy – Boychuk
Pelech – Pulock
Toews – Mayfield


Griess started last night so we’re getting all of Lehner’s 2.08 GAA and 0.929 SV% tonight. He already stopped 34 of 36 against us on Saturday. Lehner’s actually been arguably the best feel-good story of the NHL thus far. It’s not often I’m happy for anyone or anything in sports because, well, the sports hate me and it’s been mutual for all 27 years of my empty life. But I’m happy for him. I hope Connor knocks home six against him tonight, but I’m still happy for him. He’s 5-1-1 all-time against the Oilers. Fantastic.

Their blue line is low key good. Those names might not jump off the page at you, but they can play. I was at a wedding on Saturday and therefore did not watch the game, nor did I care to see any of the highlights, so I’m actually impressed we were able to pepper the Islanders like that. They’re a good team. Also, it’s guaranteed goal night for Jordan Eberle, who only has two goals in his last 13 games but that curse is truly alive and woke.

Other Shit

Okay, so something is not well with my favourite human since Yak, Jesse Puljujarvi:

The injury might actually be an injury. It also might not. Friend (-ish) of the blog, Tommy “Gun” Gazzola, reported that JP’s shit was out of the arena and nobody had seen nor heard from him since before Tuesday’s game. Or something. I don’t know. I’m paraphrasing because this is something near and dear to my heart and I’m an emotional wreck because of it. Gregor did his best to put those rumours to bed:

Still, you can’t help but wonder if something else is up. There have been words from his camp that he’s unhappy, and understandably so, with his tenure in Edmonton. We’ve LRT’d his development. It’s been a disaster. As much as it kills me to say, I think it’s best if they let him play in Finland next year. This way, we retain his rights, and he can go to a place he is both familiar and comfortable with. This will relax JP. He can go over there and skate and fuck in his own country, and speak his native language, and get some much-needed confidence without riding the bus in Bakersfield for a year. After that, we can decide what we want to do with him, like playing him in a role that helps both him and the team succeed, or trade him for an asset while his value is not at an all-time low. I miss that iconic smile.

This entire JP thing reminds me of the Markelle Fultz situation from the 76ers. Something is off and the fans are left to ponder their own rumours about it because nobody seems to give anything concrete about what’s going on. Is he injured? Is this the team and his party doing each other a favour and taking a step away from the edge before things get out of control? I don’t know. Hitch promised JP’s involvement and that hasn’t happened. Burgers said JP was going to get more of a role in the lineup and that hasn’t happened either. Whatever’s happening, it needs to stop, because I can’t take it anymore. He means too much to me. He… he…

The Islanders are actually an enigma. Tavares bolted to Toronto and everyone, including yours truly, basically wrote them off before the season even started. They have two home arenas. Their leading goal scorer is Anders Lee with 20. Their leading point scorer (Barzal) would be fourth on the Oilers in points. Yet, here they are. They have the same number of points as John Tavares’ new team. They’re tied for fifth in the NHL in points. They’re having maybe their best season since the 80s and they’re doing it without having acquired any assets for Tavares. They’ve done this by locating decent defensive talent, buying low on a good goalie, and making trades with Peter Chiarelli. It’s been an incredible rise. I hate them for this. We’ve been at the bottom of the league’s totem pole for eight of the last nine years and we have Connor goddamn McDavid and two other franchise pieces that other teams would love to have, and we’re five points back of the Arizona Coyotes for 24th. This will be another bottom 10 finish for a team that spells “success” by stacking Kevin Lowe’s Stanley Cup rings on a table while Jim Matheson and Bob Stauffer and John Shannon zealously applaud and Dave Staples pisses in a sink.

And speaking of media assholery, Bob Stauffer was close to erupting on OilersPROPAGANDA today because fans were obliterating both him and Bobby Burgers. How dare those fans speak the truth! And they didn’t even have John Shannon and his idiotic rhetorical schtick on the show today. Boo hoo, Bob. An idea came to my attention yesterday and I’ll honestly endorse the bejesus out of this strategy:

Fuck yes.

Lastly, on the subject of endorsements, I never plug businesses in blogs because, much like Teeps’ tenure at ENS, I do not get paid for anything (I actually canceled my ad contract because I was so fed up with the Oilers that I don’t even care to make cents off their inept asses anymore). However, my friend Brett brought Cosmic Pizza (and Donair!) to the attention of St. Albert Twitter yesterday and HOLY SHIT, it’s a good pie. If you want to coma your Oilers sorrows in the form of an entire 14″ pizza then I highly recommend you give Cosmic a look. Again, I’m not getting any money for this plug. I’m doing it for the sake of pizza lovers and the spectacular citizens of the city of St. Albert.

And just for the sake of being an asshole, let’s look at what our lineup would be if Peter Chiarelli wasn’t an incompetent butt stick and if the Oilers were a functionally run organization:

Nugent-Hopkins – McDavid – DeBrincat
Hall – Draisatil – Eberle
Yakupov – Barzal – Puljujarvi
Kassian – Khaira – Chiasson

Klefbom – Petry
Nurse – Schultz
Oesterle – Gustafsson


Sorry for the torture.


Ugh. On Tuesday, I made ENS history when I broke a vow Hank once made. I predicted an Oilers loss. Those who have religiously followed us know that we have never predicted a loss. But that’s where my head is at. I don’t care anymore. This franchise has ruined me. I LOVE the days when both the Oilers and the Raptors play at the same time because I can watch the Raptors make me happy while the Oilers struggle to win a hockey game on another channel. Unfortunately for me, the Raptors play tomorrow. The teams, therefore, do not coincide with each other and I’ll be forced to watch this team try to do that hockey and win a game in an arena that they haven’t won in since January 14th. We’ve gone over a month without a home win. We’ve lost 11 of our last 12. We’ve only won six games in the calendar year of 2019. What’s even the point anymore?

I’ll answer that: The point is that I’m a dumb fool who refuses to learn from his mistakes and will continue to love-hate this team until the day that I die. I’ve been a wreck since predicting that loss on Tuesday. It’s fucked with my emotions. I will probably never do that again. Tonight is no exception. 5-3 Oilers. Connor with a modest two assists, plus two goals. Colby Cave will play and get the other one because that’s how this works.

Leave a Reply

Please Login to comment
Notify of