MAB: Adiós, losing streak!

That title was brought to you by the SAP button on your device. I do not know the Spanish words for losing, nor streak. But I do know what adiós means. I even put the little goddamn acute over the O like a true español, jajaja! And when I use adiós here I mean I want that losing streak to get in an Uber, take it to Nisku, get on the same plane as Peter Chiarelli, and never come back to Edmonton again. Yes, like all of you, I’m sick of this organization’s unprecedented levels of bullshittery. But damn am I ever sick of other people spitting in our eyes. Only we can make fun of the Oilers. It’s an Edmonton thing. It’s our cultural trait. FOH Calgary (one Cup because we didn’t want to win it that year) and Toronto (no Cups since the moon landing) and Vancouver (no Cups since ever) and Winnipeg (no goddamn NHL team between 1996 and 2011) and every other team in the league. Kick us while we’re down. Keep doing it. I dare you. The Westerosi talked smack about the White Walkers for thousands of years. They got cocky. They figured “oh those White Walkers they’re ancient history they’re a myth they’ll never do anything” and then BAM *spoiler alert* here comes a BIG OL’ army of walking dead frozen zombies ready to devour the entire continent of Westeros on site. One day we’ll get a competent president and general manager and this whole league will be fucked, and we’ll have years of pent-up rage ready to unleash on every team plus Seattle HAHAHAHAHA*!

*we won one game.

1st Period


OH that was us we did it oh?

Daryl Nurse stepped the hell into that one. McPoint.

1-0 Oilers.

2nd Period



Bud Light in her hands and a fist-pump that appears to rock the camera UGH hell yes marry me. Look at the dude below her telling all of St. Paul where to put it. Yes. I love it. We’ve dealt with misery and a retinue of imbeciles running our club for a goddamn decade and there’s still no bigger guarantee than a group of bellicose Oilers fans invading every opposing arena at all times. We’re always starting shit. We’re that yappy kid in the playground that everyone hates. Do you think, in this particular moment, these two Oilers hooligans cared that Peter went full Dexter on our roster and that we are thus in danger of missing the playoffs for three of Connor’s first four years? Hell no. Hell fucking no. It’s 2-0, baby. God I love us.

Rattie now has two goals in his last four games after going 21 games without one. He’d have like 40 by now if he could bury literally any of Connor’s passes. February has been a good month for Oilers who had been previously terrible. Patiently waiting for these good vibes to be passed down to any of Peter’s recent acquisitions. What on Earth is a Colby Cave?

Also special shoutout to the greatest Oiler not named Connor since 2011, Sir Ryan Nugent-Hopkins. It’s the first time since 2014 that Baby Nuge has eclipsed the 50 point plateau. Awesome stuff. Keep Nuge forever.

2-0 for the boys

3rd Period

#collapsewatch was on notice very early as former could have been Oiler Joel Eriksson Ek put home his third of the year.

The curse is very real. This guy wasn’t even technically an Oiler but everyone is always like “ah they wanted to draft JEE, not Barzal not Chabot not Boeser not even goddamn Kyle from Winnipeg, but JEE!” Well dammit, he scored on us. Three goals. All year. One against the Oilers.

Anyway it didn’t matter because Leon scored like three minutes later.

32 now for Leon, who looks poised to lead the team and maybe the league in goals. Imagine when Connor wins the Art Ross and if Leon wins the Rocket Richard and we still miss the playoffs hahaha I’d lifetime ban Peter and Bob from the 780. Shockingly no McPoint on this one.

Annnnnd the finisher:

Quiet literally. Zack Kassian ended Minnesota by absolutely roofing an empty netter from just outside of Minneapolis. Two points for Kassian. And that’s another McPoint. Connor has points in 17 of his last 19 games. He has a multi point game in 11 of those contests as well. He’s one back of Kucherov for the Throne (despite playing one less game, so he’s basically already in the lead). Yep, he’s leading the league in points per game. Leon is eighth in points. Little buddy Nuge has 51. Nobody else has fucking 30. The 2018-19 Edmonton Oilers, BABY!

4-1 final


Ugh, smell ya, losing streak.

On the ever-growing list of things you just really hate to see: Since January 1, Zack Kassian has as many multi point performances as Auston Matthews. $11.5 million… smh.

I’m so happy for Nuge.

Only two teams have more 50 point players than the Oilers and one of them is the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Today in, “Maybe we should have waited before committing to a goalie…”

Cam has been en a little bit of fuego despite having 1/6th of a team to work with. Cam will likely have to be traded so that we can activate whatever’s left of Sekera’s limbs. Either that or we’ll have to place both Manning and Petrovic on waivers. Suffice to say, that would look terrible. But that was Peter’s bullshit. Not the interim era’s, no sir. Granted, we either let Peter pick which goalie we needed knowing his ass would be fired anyway, or there actually were people within the organization who wanted to rush-sign Koskinen before no other team paid his as much for as long. The latter is, surprisingly, worse.

We’re going to trade Cam to someone else and he’s going to be great. Just prepare for it. It’s happening.

Sunday, 9 am: Wow I can’t believe I’m not hungover!

Sunday, 1 pm:

This is a BAD stat:

Ugh HAHA give me my jerseys nice third periods you idiots.

When you drunk as hell and your girl takes away your drink but then Mr. Brightside comes on:


Hottest Take of the Night

Sent in five hours before McDavid sent Mike’s Wild back to the North Stars. Happy Friday, everyone.

PS – One more time. This is Jack’s weekend:

“I’M AN EYE TEST GUY!” – Jack, from a trailer in Gibbons.

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