MAB: Be Bad

Ahhhhhhhhh. I have the shittiest shit-eater grin on my face right now. This should really be a video blog because I’m struggling to keep it together right now. I’m trying to be a professionally ethical journalist over here but it’s really hard to keep a straight face when all I can think about is that Michael Scott clip about the turntables:

Because you can’t sit back and watch the Anaheim Ducks and their obliviously dumb fans blow an absolute fucking shit gasket over a goaltender interference call in the final minute of a one-goal game without weeping for their loss. Just sucks so bad for those really good group of guys. Just such a so much gosh dang shame. Impossible to watch their Twitter go bananas over this last night and not shed at least an ounce hate to see it:

The Whole Damn Game

THE PRIDE OF PEI!

I have a feeling Josh Currie is going to become an absolute unanimous fan favourite in Edmonton. He’s the perfect Edmonton Oiler. He’s hard-working. Everything he’s achieved has been earned, and nothing’s been given. Good Islander boy with a good Islander accent (I fucking LOVED every single “fer sher” and “ye knoh?” he dropped on After Hours last night). And compatible with all those good character traits is the fact that he’s actually a decently skilled winger with some speed and creativity, both of which have been long overdue on the Oilers’ wing. Most importantly, though, is that he’s a good goddamn lad who everyone is rooting for. BakoVegas was going for their 16th straight last night yet still stopped to emotionally acknowledge the undrafted Currie’s first NHL goal:

TWICE:

THREE TIMES!!!

Josh Currie has been a refreshing jolt of life into both the Oilers lineup and my Oilers fandom. I’ve had conversations in the past couple of months with Hank et al. about wanting the Oilers to bring Currie up and give him a look, and I can honestly say that I’ve never been happier for an NHLer in my life, maybe at least since Rem Murray came back in 2006 for that playoff run despite having battled through a rare form of dystonia. This dude has worked his tail off to be in the NHL, and he’s earned every good thing that comes with it. I sincerely hope he sticks around.

Not to be outdone by the other feel good story of 2019, Sam Gagner pitched in as well:

TWO GOALS in FOUR GAMES for Sammy G, who has officially been as goal-scoringly productive as Ryan Spooner. I can’t tell you one memorable thing that Spooner did as an Oiler, but I know that Sam coming home has ignited a nostalgic flame up my ass. I said Sam with three in the game day blog. I’ll take one.

Anaheim scored to make it a one-goal game, but the boys did just enough to withstand the rest of what these idiots threw at us down the stretch.

And then it happened.

Cue the fucking music:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *deep breath* ahhhhhh HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! You can’t make this shit up you just absolutely can’t script this at all. This is proof that God is truly woke, and he knows how to target the biggest asshole in the playground. This was WAIT?! Hold that thought…

I could have sworn I… oh… oh, oh no… oh no, Devin!

Anaheim lost to the McDavid-less Edmonton Oilers but Devin Shore still somehow wound up with the biggest L of the evening. Devin Shore is to breaking sticks what Sam Bennett is to chin ups.

Live look at Connor’s newfound supplementary persona, Francois Dillinger, watching the Anaheim Ducks blow their minds after that irresistibly delicious karmic twist of fucking fate:

W

Thoughts

Winning.

Streak.

Baby.

Let’s dance.

Kawhi out here celebrating the Oilers win like:

πŸ“‚

Programs

πŸ“‚

Dances

πŸ“‚

salsa.exe

This winning streak couldn’t have happened against a better group of assholes. Imagine the Ducks losing to the McDavid-less Edmonton Oilers HAHA CONNOR?! What does Francois Dillinger think about that?!

This was our first winning streak since January 14-16. Over a month, baby. And we’re still technically only seven points out of a wild-card spot with a game in hand on everyone. Look at Connor, up there in NHL prison with his cellmate, Alex Petrovic and his lawyer, JJ Hebert. You’d think his spirit would be shattered; he, who was once driven by inhibitions that compel him to be law-abiding, polite to elders and excessively nice. Alas, it’s stronger than ever. No more Mr. Nice Connor anymore, NHL. Take away his playing time. Go for it. Have it like the charity organization you are. But you’ll never take away his fire. He is up there actively plotting his revenge, watching the game from above which benefits players like Alex Petrovic and Brad Malone. What the hell do you think will happen when Connor gets back? Your precious Leaves just marched a valiant comeback against their francophone nemeses on HNIC. They finally scored some goals! And now you’re feeding them to a pack of angry Oilers, who are ready to #BeBad all over the NHL in bad ways different than that of which we are used to, like the Vancouver Canucks feeding Mikey DiPietro to the fucking literal and figurative Sharks. If we win tomorrow, we will make the playoffs. And I will continue to embrace the underdog and #badboys campaign we are hopefully about to launch on the NHL. Suck my ass, Kesler. Let’s go, baby.

WOOOOOOOF that one felt good to write ah, man, I haven’t been this passionate about the Oilers in a very long time. Thank you, NHL. You incapable dick shits. George Parros eats soup with a fork.

Look at this shit bag:

If Corey Perry isn’t suspended at least two games for driving his forearm right into Darnell’s head I will riot. Parros is tasked with figuring out how to punish his buddy and I can’t wait to see this outcome. Seriously. Best case might be that Perry isn’t suspended because Edmonton will fucking send an army lead by probably Magoo’s goddamn orange SUV right into the NHL’s New York head offices.

I actually didn’t even notice Ryan Kesler last night. Actually, that’s a lie, I watched him take this penalty:

It’s kind of sad, really. Ryan Kesler is an actual shell of his former self. I have no pity left to give him. None whatsoever. Unfortunately, I’ve used it all on Ducks’ Twitter and Devin Shore. Sorry, Ryan. Good luck though.

This Ducks’ fan salt will fuel my boner into the next millennium:

Hey, Andy. I want you to meet my good pal, Waluigi:

Normally I’m blatantly pessimistic when to comes to the early achievements of minor leaguers making the jump into the Show but for Josh Currie, I’m making a big exception. I can’t stress enough how hard this dude has worked to become an NHL player. He’s progressively gotten better every single year. In the Q, Currie put up 15, 20, and then 46 points, before dropping 104 in his final year. Next, Currie went to the Coast League, where he put up 31with Gwinnett, then 42 with Bako. After a brief stint with Norfolk (12 in 13), he finally got that promotion to the A, where he proceeded to drop 24, the 36, then 46. Now he’s here, living his literal dream and getting his first shot at NHL hockey after all those 3 in 3s in the Coast and all those AHL bus rides. He has never, ever, ever given up. Welcome to the Show, Josh.

One more time in slo-mo:

I actually think he hurt his knee on the play. This is just a mega tough look.

Shoutout to BAKO for 16 in a row. I take everything I ever said about Woodcroft back. Jay has the boys going.

Sam Gagner said he wants to be an Oiler for the rest of his life last night and honestly that made me tingle. Gags LOVES Edmonton, you can hear it in his voice. You can see it in his play. Why didn’t we trade for this guy MONTHS ago? Fuck Peter Chiarelli with every burger Bobby Nicks has sold.

We did it. We actually won a game without Connor. Been a LONG time since that happened. That’s also like only our fourth win in like 40 games since 2017 in which we won without a McPoint. That’s the underdog life I’m all in on embracing. That’s what Edmonton used to be all about before we got a fancy arena and overpriced CEO burgers. We’re built on the Todd Marchants and the Igor Ulanovs and the Mike Griers of the world, with a splash of some Dougie Weights and Billy Guerins in there. And now, not only are we the underdogs, but we’re also the bad boys of the NHL. When He gets out of jail, we’re coming for the NHL’s throat. Bad boys for life, baby.

Happy Sunday, ya’ll #BeBad.

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