GDB: Invading Jack’s House

Hahahaha I still love that fucking picture. Rookie Connor scores the OT winner in Jack’s House and then floods the entire first row. Monsoon season. This is a fan base that never really got over the fact that they lost the 2015 lottery draft. And make no mistake, it was a loss. Remember that raging idiot Tim Murray claiming he’d be OKAY with losing the 2015 lottery?:

Tim proceeded to shit in his own pants after being told they weren’t getting Connor:

Poor Jack from day one, man. The Sabres didn’t want Eichel. Fucking nobody wanted Eichel because of Connor. If his immediate family had the first pick they would have drafted Connor. If he’s born one year later he’s compared to Matthews and Laine. If he’s born one year earlier he’s compared to Draisaitl and Ekblad (!!!). Alas, his draft year was 2015. It was never fair. Jack is legit a super star playing in the armpit of America and doing his best to remain positive despite said armpit wishing they had 97 instead and said super star’s team having played in no goddamn playoff games during his sad career. Say what you want about Connor and the Oilers but at least he drank the playoff water. Jack’s biggest taste of Buffalo outstandingness has been watching a Bills Mafia table jump on the Barstool Instagram account. Poor Jack, man.

Poor Jack.

Tonight’s Opponent

Buffalo Sabres. I know I just ripped them to shreds for their ultra lack of success with Jack but ya they’re five points ahead of us so like usual we’re sort of the underdog. I don’t know, it just doesn’t feel that way against Buffalo, y’know? Like, are you really an underdog against your subordinate’s lineup?

Our Lineup

I can’t find anything to confirm but let’s guess because whatever:

Draisaitl – McDavid – Currie
Kassian – Nuge – Chiasson
Lucic – Cave – Gagner
Rieder – Brodziak – Rattie

Klefbom – Larsson
Nurse – Russell
Benning – Sekera


I despise the Nurse-Russell pair but Hitch has stuck with it for basically all of 2019 so it’s safe to assume that won’t change. When we interview GMs our only question should be “What would you do with Darnell Nurse?” And the first GM that says “Convince Dale that he should trade us Huberdeau for him” gets the job.

That lineup isn’t great nor is it probably what we’ll see but boy, THING’S WERE OKAY. We had won two in a row after getting scalped by the Leaves. We dummied the Jackets, who are indeed a capable team. The Connor Show is back. Leon is scoring all the goals. And I remember the buzzer sounding in the Jackets game and thinking: “Man, shit’s not too bad right now, I like this feeling!” But then as that dick asshole Ross once said:

And then it happened. Cue Hitchcock, “What we do have is a team!”

You senile idiot. This could pass as plagiarising Dorion’s “we’re a team” quote and I’m dead serious, I hate that he said this for so many selfish reasons. I was saving that for the Senators game day blog. ALL YEAR, MAN. All fucking year. I was like “ohhhhh man I’m going to make fun of Dorion so hard HAHA they’re a team he says OTTAWA STINKS!” and then I couldn’t write before the Sens game but that’s okay because we play them again soon, right? WRONG.

Fuck you so much, Hitch.

Lazy Leon might lead the league in goals despite his worth being perpetually compared to the likes of a Slap Chop. Blah blah MCDAVID MAKES HIM GOODS you know what? He’s scoring goals, man. I don’t care how good of a player Connor is (I do care he’s so fucking good UGH hell ya baby), nobody just puts up top-five numbers without being a literal offensive weapon. Leon’s bullying goalies and opposing defensemen around the league. He’s 8th in points (two back of 4th), he’s 2nd in goals. That doesn’t happen if you’re not absurdly skilled. But damn man, all the Garys and Johns and Davids and other conservative nationalist white folks in rural BERTA think he doesn’t line change too fast ‘er do defense ‘er stuff *picks butt* fuck you all.

Leon is so good and we’re so lucky we didn’t trade him for a pile of processed cheese like other extremely talented wingers we’ve recently exiled.

Speaking of, as of yesterday: Jordan Eberle now has as many fights this year as Milan Lucic. They’re both getting paid $6 million per fight. Toughness.

Their Lineup

Who cares, it’s Buffalo. They won like eleventy million games at the start of the year and they’re still on the outside looking in. Thanks to playing in a much weaker conference, we are closer to the playoffs than they are.

Poor Jack™

These are his neighbours:

They’re actually like a different species. Thank God they’ve never won anything because there would be nothing left of upper New York if the Bills and/or the Sabres picked up a meaningful trophy. This is what happened to fire guy:

And that’s Buffalo. I’ve never been to Buffalo but I picture the entire city fighting over a single old wing in an alleyway dumpster after a Bills game at -30.

Terry Pegula bought the Buffalo Sabres and promptly ran them into the subarctic ground. We (rightfully) complain about El Daryl and his army of Old Boys but goddamn, there are some other terrible owners in this league. Milan Lucic couldn’t score in a brothel but fuck it, at least Daryl opened his Malibu checkbook and was like “pay that fridge all my money!” El Daryl spends his money buying more useless shit than a Qatari business-man but at least he spends! Terry Pegula’s Buffalo Sabres spend just a tad more than a team that couldn’t afford to send me two free fucking jerseys and Poor Jack™ is left wondering why he gave up so many years of UFA eligibility to suffocate alone in a Buffalo snowbank.

Notorious figure skater Jeff Skinner has been on all the fire this year, so he’ll probably sign with Montreal this summer.

Did You Know?

The Sabres are paying Cody Hodgson until 2023?! What on earth? I feel like he’s been out of the league since 2011. Meanwhile, Zack Kassian is a contributing member of the Edmonton Oilers. I wish we traded him, but at least he’s not Cody Hodgson.


All the teams we needed to lose last night LOST! Ah, whatever. 6-3 Oilers. Connor with three right in Jack’s shitty face. I’m feeling extra spicy on this frigid March afternoon so let’s get some Currie with two. Leon scores two goals, because Leon.

Rest in peace, Ted:

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