GDB: Oilers. Leaves. Saturday.

It’s time to keep that playoff chase alive. It’s time to show the world on National TV that we’re not to be fucked with anymore and that we’re marching for glory. It’s time for revenge. It’s time to stand up. It’s time to rock that fucking Rog Mahal.

Cute goddamn blanket, John. Four game winning streak and a road crowd that is salivating at the mouth for a playoff race. John might need SIX standing ovations when he gets home if we decimate the Leaves tonight. Seriously, if we pull this thing off I’m honestly worried about the structural foundation of Daryl’s piece of shit luxury suite. Inject Toronto v. Edmonton on a Saturday (early) night right into my brachial artery. Suck my ass, Don Cherry. Let’s get that fifth straight.

Tonight’s Opponent

#TAVARESDAYTO!!!!!!

Oh my Christ. He was booed by other fans, you over-pampering imbeciles. I think one guy might have thrown a jersey at him, too. And you dedicated an entire DAY to the player because of it?! That was “‘Diversity Day’ from The Office-level” cringe.

Connor went to NHL prison. You think we’re going to shower him with pity because he got some hair on his balls? Hell no. It’s made him stronger. He went into prison a quiet, law-abiding boy who was demonstratively nice and always polite to his elders and came out with a much bolder supplementary persona who’s both contemptuous of authority and irresistible to women. Connor became bad and instead of throwing him a surprise party before the national anthem, we just let him do his mutant thing all over the Canucks.

I mean, what the hell did John think was going to happen when he left THESE GUYS?!

They’re soccer hooligans who happen to live on the wrong continent. That’s my biggest complaint about North American sports: We are WAY too conservative when it comes to fandom. John Tavares got the Chris Pronger treatment but because it’s 2019 and because Toronto took a CN Tower-sized shit-kicking on Long Island and because he wore those fucking jammies he got hugs and stuff on his return to TO lmao did all his family members die? No, he was properly booed into submission by a fan base who bought his jerseys and bought tickets to go see him play for a lot of years. Have Leaf supporters never booed a player, opposing or current?

I guess not. Saint Leafs Nation over there, for real. You guys rock. Maybe if you baby/boo a few more of your own you’ll finally win a playoff series.

Our Lineup

Same as last game I’d assume, so no changes. I haven’t looked too heavy into the numbers but I’ve been more than good with watching Kassian and Gagner drive the wing roles in the top six. They’ve been excellent, as far as I’ve been able to tell.

Koskinot as bad as the last time he played Toronto, hopefully. Good vibe mode, engaged.

Their Lineup

Idiots.

Who cares?

Nazem Kadri is… back.

Just in time to face McDavid. Kadri has somehow decided that his career will be defined by how he shadows and grips onto Connor.

I’ll be in attendance and I swear to God if Connor gets his usual treatment by the officials and Kadri’s assholery goes unpunished by either the officials or that $6 million pile of luggage. Might even have to raise my voice a bit. Pray for John.

And speaking of things you just hate to see, Auston “68 goals” Matthews hasn’t scored in five straight. He has three in his last 10, which is the same amount as Sam Gagner. Zack Kassian has four in his last four. Auston’s been so slow that I haven’t heard the media hump this game as a “Connor v. Auston” showdown. Perhaps it’s the 34 point gap between the two? Or maybe it’s because Auston hasn’t scored since the last Olympics? Maybe that’s because Mitch Marner is out-performing Auston by about eleventy billion percent? Bummer to hell.

Let’s Go

I haven’t been this fired up to make an appearance at the Rog since like maybe the beginning of last season, and that was when I was under the impression that we had a Cup contender of a hockey club. Now we’re fighting for survival and it might even have a more of a positive influence on my emotions. It’s like those Oilers teams I grew up with who would claw down the stretch to earn the right to lose to Dallas in six games. That was my legacy as an adolescent Oilers fan: Watching Todd Marchant and Mike Grier and Billy Guerin and vintage Smytty and Janne Niinimaa and Georges Laraque and Igor goddamn Ulanov fight and fight and fight some more until the team clinched a playoff spot, usually with one or two games left in the season. John’s early childhood hockey memories involved watching the Leafs not win any Cups while wearing his goddamn blanky around the house like a fucking Superman cape. Mine involved watching all $1.5 million of the Oilers roster try to out-hustle other, richer teams like Billy Beane’s Oakland Athletics until they’d squeak into the playoffs and give the diehards two or three games of screaming “BELFOURRRRRRRRR” louder than anything in the world at that moment. We’re in a stretch now that’s eerily reminding me of those games except instead of having one or two 50 point players, we have Connor McDavid and Leon Draisatil surging our blitzkrieg. We may not be the most talented team, but we do have Nuge on a career year plus two other players who’ll actually scorch your body parts and I’ll take that plus our burning desire to get back into this, and if that’s not Edmonton then I don’t know what is.

And you better believe I’m wearing a BD (Before Daryl) jersey tonight. Haven’t decided on which one yet. Might be Laraque. Might be Reasoner. Might be Salo. Who knows? I have time, sort of. Game starts at 5:00 because Leaves.

One More Thought

I made history yesterday, no big deal:

For the first time in years, I put my grudge away and called a brief truce with the Florida Corrupthers and wouldn’t you know it?

The idiots pulled it off. We needed that Panthers win so I selflessly (briefly) called a ceasefire and rooted my jersey-less ass off for a team that provides no fucking value to neither the NHL nor the world as a whole, whatsoever. But dammit rights, they did it. What a win. Move to Houston and never exist again.

Anyway I just thought I owed them a shoutout. Truce over.

Now it’s time to take care of our own business but also:

  • Go Sabres! (Poor Jack)
  • Go Kings!
  • Go Blackhawks!
  • Go Golden Knights!

This is how hockey in March should feel unless the Oilers want to get really good in which case I’d be cool with Tampa Baying this one time. Let’s race this playoff thing.

Prediction

Five.

Many of you weren’t alive the last time the Oilers won five in a row. It’s time to go get that. Imagine five straight wins? That’s ten straight points. That’s season-changing; that’s legitimately what teams need to catapult themselves back into conversations. The Bruins are doing it. Before them it was the Blues. Remember when the Flames were decent there for a little bit before the inevitable regression occurred? All those teams have won five in a row at some point. Let’s go create our destiny. Sticking with the theme, Oilers win 5-2. Leon gets a goal and a helper. Connor with three. Gagner with one from Nuge.

Let’s. Fucking. Go.

Leave a Reply

Please Login to comment
  Subscribe  
Notify of